Three things about Today

Today, I am wearing REAL pants. Okay, so they were my "fat" pants and they don't exactly fit the way I would like them to and they are a tad uncomfortable and they might get changed before the end of the day, but I am wearing real pants!!!!!! There is no tummy pannel or elastic waistband for your stomach to hang over. It makes me feel slightly human again. Plus, I would really like to get out of the house tonight and go to the store or something and I am not wearing pajama pants to the store!

Today, is our anniversary. 9 years. It feels like forever and like yesterday all at the same time. I'm bummed that the best way I know how to celebrate right now is with e-cards and real pants. I'm doing what I can, babe. I love you.

Today, Parker is a giant fuss. I have typed this entire thing with one hand because she fell asleep in the middle of getting her clothes changed (Alright, so I picked her up to calm her down for just a sec in between off with the old and on with the new since she was crying so hard she could hardly breathe - and we all know that I am paranoid about her breathing - and she fell asleep.) and now I am afraid to put her down or put her clothes on for fear that she will wake up and start screaming again.

Wordless Wednesday

Life with Parker

I guess it's about time that I update my blog.  As, I'm sure you all know, we brought Parker, aka "Little P or P Baby" home Monday.  Since then things have been completely surreal. (In good ways.)

The first night I didn't sleep at all because I kept waking up at every little noise that Parker made.  She, on the other hand slept beautifully.  To make up for this, she refused to go back to sleep after her feedings the next night.  Since then, we have sort of been on a good night/bad night cycle.  I suppose that's normal.

 

I have gotten completely used to Alicia being home from work.  I'm quite nervous about her returning tomorrow.  I'm not sure that I am going to be able to get through the day without help. I am still getting up every 3 hours to pump (which of course does not line up with when Parker wants to eat) and will have to start doing most of the nightly stuff myself since Alicia will have to get up and actually function in the morning.  Plus, although I am feeling much better than I was a week ago, I still hurt.  I often find myself in positions (usually with the baby) that I can't maneuver out of.  It makes me nervous.

I am psychotically paranoid that Parker is sick or that something is wrong with her.  I would take her to the doctor every day if I could.  At least I have started being able to sleep and not check her breathing every few seconds.  (Maybe every few hours.)

Other than that, things are good.  Lots of lounging around in pajama pants and snuggling with P Baby.  What could be better than that?

Waiting

Ergh! Is it Thursday yet? For a brief period of time Sunday morning I thought that MAYBE we might do this ourselves before Thursday, but I am now thinking otherwise.

Part of me is super excited - to meet "Baby P," to not be pregnant, to begin our life as a threesome.

The other part of me is scared beyond belief - shoulder dystocia is ACTUALLY going to happen (I'm petrified of this), she will be a boy, she won't start breathing, I won't be able to physically do this, something will be wrong with her, I'm not grown up enough to be a mom, I won't think she is cute... The list just goes on and on.

This really all needs to be over with soon, so that I can start worrying about other things.

Seriously

My girlfriend is the best.  I have been whiny and awful all day because my back just keeps spasming and nothing is stopping it.  I'm hungry, but don't really want to eat. (Too much baby in my tummy!) The only thing that sounds good are popsicles.  We don't have any popsicles.  We have already been to the store once today.  I didn't want popsicles then.  Now I do.  So, Alicia has left me hunkered over the ottoman (which I am simultaneously leaning on in an futile attempt to relieve the back pain and using as a desk to type this) to run to the store just to get me popsicles.  Have I mentioned that she is the best?

Potential 9/11 baby

Our plan has once again changed. After spending this week agonizing over whether or not to plan a c-section, we decided we would. Then, we get to the dr today and I am 80% effaced and 3cm dialated. The doctor thinks that is a really good sign since I am only 38 weeks. So, she thought that I might take well to an induction and she assured us that 1) she could get the baby out of my pelvis 2) that if things were not going as well as she wanted them to, we could just go ahead and have a c-section and that it wouldn't have to be a hurried, rushed thing. It would be okay. Originally, we didn't talk about inductions because trying to force a big giant baby out of my body when it's not ready is generally not a good plan, but apparently my body is trying to get ready on it's own, so I guess we will just wait and see.

As of right now, we have the induction planned for 9/11 at 5am.

Don't tell our moms!

Pre-mature Thursday Thirteen

So, I started this blog and then realized that it would fit better as a "Thursday Thirteen," but whatever - it's my blog, I can write what I want!

I am waiting

1) for the pain meds to kick in
2) to hear about Krysten and Missie's babies (come on already!!!!!!)
3) for Alicia to get home
4) to be able to sleep on my stomach
5) to have this baby (even though I am pretty much scared to death)
6) to be able to eat or drink without feeling gross
7) to see Alicia hold the baby for the first time
8) for my mother to stop calling me EVERY SINGLE day just to "check in" (and then tell me all the things I am doing wrong and what I should do to feel better - even contrary to what my doctor tells me)
9) for my brother's house to get built so out of town family has somewhere ELSE to stay
10) for my friends to stop having lives and update their blogs so that I have something to do during the day
11) for a Jimmie John's Turkey Tom
12) to have my life move from limbo to something new
13) for the new season of America's Next Top Model (embarrassing, but true!)

Labor Day Weekend

It seems that my friends have much more of a life than I do. All weekend, I have been stalking all my usual stalks and...nothing. Apparently, everyone is out enjoying the weather and spending time with their families instead of sitting inside and skulking around on the internet.

Not me. I sat on the couch. Why? Because that's about all I can do without being in serious pain. We did take a rather adventerous errand run Saturday (breakfast, 2 stores, the pharmacy and post office), but that totally wiped me out for the rest of the day. I guess we did a little bit - date on Sunday (trying to cram them in before P makes her appearance) and dinner with friends on Monday, but really it was pretty uneventful.

Now, the weekend is over and Alicia is back to school. I am not a person that amuses myself well, so I'm a little bored again. However, I am feeling a little better, so I am GOING to finish those million thank you cards that have been looming over me for weeks. I actually think that we are going to run out of cards so maybe I will just finish what I have and make tomorrow's big adventure a trip to the store! Woo - my exciting life.