Down by the River

After coming home from Alicia's parents' house last Thursday evening, we haven't had many scheduled activities.  I admit that when running around from thing to thing to thing, I often idealize free time.  In real life, I find that I don't often know what to do with myself (or Parker.)  P would be content to play with her babies (and us) all day long, but that makes me a little crazy.  So, today (after lounging around in pajamas for MUCH longer than I am going to admit on the internet) we took a mini-adventure to this covered bridge in Noblesville.  

It was fun.  Parker ran on the bridge and played on the playground.

It looks like she is resting, but she is actually telling me that her restaurant only has salad, oatmeal and mac-n-cheese

 Then we walked down one of the trails.  Parker was being crazy and running ahead then turning around and yelling, "Stop!"  Then, she would put her hands down, turn around and take off again.

Stop!

The drought we are in has had many negative side effect, but it did allow us to walk down to the river and on some rocks that are (I'm guessing) usually underwater.  Parker really liked being so close.

Alicia and Parker.  Super cute.

 Parker wanted us to take a family photo (not the easiest thing to do), but this turned out pretty decently.  Overall, it was really fun.  We weren't there very long (maybe 45 minutes) but it was great to get out of the house and "into nature."

Our cute little family

Happy Birthday, Alicia!

Yesterday was Alicia's birthday.  She had to work during the day, but was able to come home a little early.  Parker and I had gone out earlier in the day to get some cupcakes to celebrate.  Mmmmmm.....cupcakes.........

Parker and Alicia with the most delicious cupcakes!

 To celebrate, we went out to dinner and the to an Indians game.  Alicia and I had not been in several years and Parker had never been, so we figured it would be an adventure.  We opted for lawn seats because we figured P would need room to roam.  She loved looking over the fence at the game.

Peering over the fence

"Birthday" Mom and Parker

 More importantly, Parker loved the ice cream we bought her.  Baseball is a long game and Parker did very well considering the game went well past her bedtime.

The best part of the game!

 She did start to get a little crazy a couple hours in.  She just kept running around making super silly faces and just climbing all over us - I believe in an effort to stay awake.

Exhausted silly faces

 Then, she wanted to take (unflattering) pictures of us.  This was the best shot.  Might have been cute it I had had something supporting my head and wasn't making a goober face!

Parker's picture of us (Stellar, yes?)

 Parker held on for a LONG time.  The game ended around 10:00, but there were fireworks afterward so we hung around for a little bit longer.  Parker had been looking forward to it all night.  Clearly, she was getting quite tired.

Getting sleepy

I think she enjoyed the fireworks, but they were quite close and quite loud, so it was a little much after awhile.  The minute it was over, Parker asked to be picked up and was practically passed out by the time we got to the car.

It was a really good night.  I love my family so much and enjoyed every minute of this evening.  I hope that we are able to have many more nights like this one.

Hello readers (or imaginary readers)

It has been quite awhile since I have written.  No excuses really.  I've just been busy with school, life and trying to lose the last blasted few pounds before I hit my normal BMI.  I FINALLY did it a few weeks ago, but it has taken me a little bit to write about it.  So long in fact, that I don't know if I have anything to say about it.  So, here are just some random thoughts.

I have a normal BMI (Yea!)  I still feel fat and stressed about food.  (Boo!)  I have lost 70 pounds as of this morning.  (Yea!)  I ate several pieces of leftover birthday cake today.  (Boo!)  I bought a size 8 dress to chaperone prom in and didn't have to wear a single article of Spanx. (Yea!)  I have purchased several items of clothing labeled "small!" (Yea!)  Somehow (and I don't know if this is related to anything or not) I have had the WORST case of adult acne for like 2 months now.  (Boo!)  Alicia and I have given away 10 bags of clothes. (Yea!)  I have nothing to wear.  (Boo!)

I have gone from a size (yes, I'm going to reveal this to the WHOLE world) 20W (that's "Women" or "FAT") to a regular 12.  I would really like to lose 15ish more pounds, but that is proving to be very difficult.  I would have to work REALLY REALLY hard to get there by July (which was an arbitrary goal I set for myself) and I just don't want to work that hard anymore.  I'm lazy.  So, we'll see what happens.  Right now I'm slowly making progress and working on not gaining any weight (or at least losing it within a week) during this graduation/birthday season.

So, as a before and after.  Here's a picture of me and Parker last year on my birthday.

Me and Parker on my birthday last year (2011)

And, here we are yesterday.  Please pardon the quality of the 2nd photo.  It was taken inside on a phone.  I don't have any good new shots of my full body, so a face shot will have to do for now.

Me and Parker on my birthday this year (2012)

A Rough Week

This week (or really the last couple of weeks) have been really hard on me.  I believe I last left off having been to the MedCheck once and having the doctor tell me that I was fine-ish, just needed some rest. I stayed home for a day and thought that I was feeling a little better.

But then, this cough hit.  I couldn't breathe.  I couldn't talk sometimes without going into terrible coughing spasms.  I actually started taking cough drops.  I have NEVER in my life been able to stomach a cough drop.  I was eating them by the bag and adding them into my calories for the day.  Then, I read the "dosage" of cough drops.  One every two hours.  OH.  That's not good.  I was consuming far more than that. I decided to go back to the doctor.

Good news.  I wasn't crazy.  There really was something wrong with me.  (Although "allergy induced bronchitis" sounds really fake to me.)  Regardless, they acknowledged that I couldn't breathe and something needed to be done.  I got a breathing treatment in the office, a prescription for Prednisone and some "good" cough medicine that was going to allow me to sleep at night.  I was excited.  I was going to get better!

Sort of.  The breathing treatment helped for a bit.  The Prednisone helped (although I was still only breathing at what felt like 85% or so).  The cough medicine was a) the most disgusting thing I have ever tasted and b) helped I guess.  I don't know what it would have been like without it, so I suppose that I will trust that it was doing it's job.  Here's the issue.  The Prednisone made me gain weight.  This was NOT good for my psyche.  I started the week a mere 4 pounds away from my 1st goal.  I am now 8 pounds away from this goal.  I know it didn't help that my family was in town and I made some terrible food choices over the weekend, but I think that was partly spurred on by the previous weight gain and a "who cares" kind of attitude.  It was BAD.

I have some major body image issues.  I FEEL fatter now than I did 50 pounds ago.  I can literally feel my fat oozing over the sides of my pants even if it is not.  (Now I sound like a total nut job, right?)  But, I'm working on it.  We bought the treadmill today. Even thought I am not fully recovered, I actually ran on it tonight.

Dude.  Really hard.  Couldn't breathe for a good while.  Had many coughing fits, but kept going.  I did decide to stop after 2 miles, even thought my original plan was 3. On the bright side, the running part wasn't the hard part.  It was the breathing part, which is mostly unrelated to the running.  I like the treadmill and think that I will use it often and am feeling motivated to become a "runner" again.  (Was I ever a runner?  That's probably up for debate.)

So, I guess that's it.  I'm not posting a weight update because it's too depressing for me right now.  The size 12 pants I just got to buy last weekend are questionably fitting, but I'm hopeful that by this weekend, they will be good again.

Check in and the Plague

This post is slightly late coming to you this week because of The Plague.  I am unsure what nasty virus I have caught, but it is a giant pain in the tukus.  Friday night, I started to feel crummy.  I went to bed early.  I was supposed to get up early to take the pep band to the Regional game.  I still felt horrible, but got up and got in the shower and just about passed out.  I couldn't do it.  So, Alicia took the kids to the game.  I laid around all day Saturday.  I thought I was better on Sunday.  I babysat my niece and nephew and it was good - until the drugs wore off.  Then I crashed.  I felt lousy on Monday, but made it in.  Didn't really make it through my classes very well.  By the end of the day I was wearing my coat (inside) and shivering. I came home and went to bed.  Alicia took Parker to ballet.  I thought I was doing better....no.  Tuesday - still feeling crummy.  This is getting ridiculous.  I go to school.  Apparently, I am now looking like hell as well because several people ask me if I am ok.  My co-worker graciously volunteers to teach my classes if I will enter his grades.  Yes, please.  I can do that.  I leave early and go the MedCheck.  There's nothing wrong with me.  (Other than the fever I have had since Saturday.)  Awesome.  The doctor tells me to rest (he should tell that to IPS) and drink lots of fluids.  I cashed in my last available day today and am dozing on the couch.  I had stinkin' better be well by tomorrow because I'm SO over this.

As far as the weight loss goes....Um.....Not sure where I left off.  (I know my actual weight, but I don't know what it was the last time I posted.)  I think I lost a couple more pounds.  I have 6.4 more pounds to go before I reach that healthy BMI and 25.4 more to go before I reach that "college" weight!

OH - and at the MedCheck yesterday, my heart rate was low.  The Nurse asked me if I was a runner because runners normally have a lower heart rate! :)  Makes me wanna get back on the running bandwagon so to speak.  A medical professional actually thought I might be an athletic person!!!!!!!

Movin' on Down

Another week down.  I didn’t do too badly this week , weight wise at least.  I am down 3.8 pounds, which is pretty good.  I did make my goal (barely) of breaking into the new set of 10.  I think my metabolism might be changing slightly.  I don’t know how or why that would happen, but I ate terribly this weekend (think cupcakes, Texas Roadhouse rolls and Bazbeaux pizza) but I still lost weight.  I guess that’s a good sign.

I didn’t, however, exercise at all.  I feel like that’s really bad, but at the same time it feels more real to my life.  We didn’t get the treadmill (yet).  I’m SO hoping that things will slow down soon so that we can go get it.  I have really enjoyed the last few nights on the couch, but am kind of looking forward to being able to run again.  I just am NOT motivated to go outside anymore.  It’s bad.  I feel like I’m failing.  But, it’s the truth.

In other news, I cannot wait to buy new clothes.  Dressing for work is a struggle.  I have 1 pair of jeans that fit, 2 that sort-of fit, and 3 pairs of “dress” pants that will stay on.  I can only wear jeans 1 day a week.  The rest of the time I just look terrible.

I’m going to keep holding out – I don’t want to have to buy all new clothes at each size. 

Here are the totals:

Weight lost since August: 57

Weight lost since November: 49

(I’m not sure why I keep track of both of those numbers other than I like to see the bigger weight loss number from August, but I didn’t really start trying until November, so I just feel like they are both significant)

10 pounds until I have a normal BMI

I think I’m gonna shoot for 29 more pounds total.  We’ll see.  It’s a flexible goal.

Weekly Update

Well, here it is:  The Weekly Update. 

Pounds lost this week : 5! 

I also went down another size, which is pretty exciting.  Do you even know how incredibly awesome it is to :

1) Not have to shop in the “plus” department? 

2) Not have to take the largest size on the rack – in the “regular person” section?

3) Realize how many cute clothes are out there – and that I might actually look good in them?    Sadly this is a moot point at the moment since we are only buying clothes to “get by” until we reach our goal weights.

However, I’m just not feeling great about things right now.  I think it’s because I’m not really exercising.  I used the gazelle twice last week (Wednesday and Sunday) but I’m not sure if it’s really helping.  My knees always hurt when I am done and I never really feel winded or like it’s a real workout.  I always feel really powerful and proud of myself after I’m done running.  I don’t get that with the gazelle.

We have a treadmill picked out, we just have to buy it (and assemble it).  I’m nervous about buying a piece of exercise equipment.  Mostly because I have seen so many major purchases like that just sit around in people’s houses and I don’t want to waste our money. I just need to stay motivated.

It’s hard to stay motivated to exercise when I am still losing weight without physically doing too much.  I know it’s not all about the weight.  It’s about being healthy and not feeling winded when you have to carry your completely-exhausted-almost-40-pound-preschooler out of the Children’s Museum and up - and then down - all those stinking ramps (which I successfully did on Sunday, thank you very much), but part of me is just LAZY.

So, I suppose my goals for this week are:

1) to keep movin’ down.  I would like to break into the next set of 10

2) to obtain the treadmill.  In the meantime, I should do something small (like gazelle) on our busy nights and I should RUN on Thursday.

Great Friends

I just want to send a quick "thank you" to all who have posted comments on my last post.  I really appreciate all the support and am really sorry if I came off as whiny or in some tragic state.  Honestly, I was (and am) just frustrated at all the things I think I should be, even if it really is impossible.

I'm doing better right now because the weight loss has begun progressing again.  I haven't run yet this week, but I did use our old Gazelle last night.  It's not the same as running, but it was close-ish.  Right now, I think I'm just going to be happy if the scale is moving in the downward direction.

I still haven't really decided on a goal weight.  I'm just trying to chunk things.  6.4 more pounds before I reach my 10 pound date goal.  About 15 more before my BMI falls into the normal category.  I'll set more goals once I reach those.

Shockingly, I have a bunch of school work that I should be doing, so maybe I'll go do that.  (Or maybe not.  Whatever.)

Never Enough

I’m struggling right now – with many things, but mostly with not being able to be everything I want to be. 

I want to be healthy and in shape (and perhaps 2 pants sizes smaller)

I want to be organized

I want to have a clean house

I want to have a cute, well decorated house

I want to blog

I want to read.  Boy, do I want to read.

I want to play my flute (and maybe more than once a week at band)

I want to do projects and go on fun outings with Parker

The problem is that I also want/need to have a little bit of time to do nothing.  To decompress.  By the time I get home from school with Parker (on a night when we have nothing scheduled) it is 5pm.  This leaves me 2.5 hours with Parker in which to cram all the things I want to do that involve her and all the things we HAVE to do that involve her (bath, dinner etc).  This is not a great deal of time and Parker is normally kind of cranky at the end of her day.  So, grandiose ideas of craft projects and things of that nature are gone. 

By the time she is bedded down for the night it is anywhere between 8 and 9pm. (Yes, it can last that long on a bad night and if one single person judges me on the way my kid goes to bed right now, I might actually throw this computer across the room.)  If I actually want to feel rested in the morning, I have one hour of time left.  If I want to merely function and get through my day while sleep-deprived, I have 1.5 or 2 hours. 

So, let’s say I run.  This takes 45 minutes of actual running and then 15 of getting ready and becoming  human again at the end.  There’s an hour.  If I’m going for merely functioning, I have 30 minutes to an hour left to do anything else.  (Please keep in mind that I am now operating in hour 16 of my day and I haven’t stopped.)  It’s at this point that I SHOULD organize something or read a book or clean the bathroom (or pick up the random clutter that is always laying around) or write a blog post.  But, instead I just sit and feel bad about myself because I’m too tired to do anything else.

And all of this assumes that we have nothing scheduled for the night (no pep band, no dance class, no random meetings, no band rehearsal)

The thing that kills me is that I know there are other Moms out there (Alicia, for one) who do this too, but I just can’t seem to get it together and actually get it done.

And then, all these people are posting about their freezer meals and the books they’ve read or the cute craft project(s – yes MORE THAN ONE!) that they are doing with their kids.  And here I am trying to get in “quality time” with Parker while she’s watching the rest of her Sesame Street and eating “cheese and bread with no crust” and I’m unloading the dishwasher.  My house looks like something has exploded in it.  Even when it’s clean, it’s not all nice and organized.  I feel like I’ve fallen off the weight-loss wagon and really the only thing in the entire world I want to do right now is organize Parker’s closet and drawers to get rid of the things that don’t fit her, but there isn’t any time for that, so I guess I will keep piling all the ill-fitting clothing on the top of her closet and hoping that they don’t one day come toppling down on me.

Meh.

Epic Fail

This week has been a complete and total failure.  I did NOT even come close to meeting my goal of running 3 days.  I ran on Monday.  Tuesday, being Valentine's Day and all, was spent together as a family on the couch.  Then came Wednesday.  I was supposed to run, but then I just had a really bad headache and was starting to feel gross.  I thought it was ok - I could run Friday and Saturday nights.  Then, my throat started really hurting and my voice went away.  It was not pretty.  Friday, we ended up going out with friends for a little bit and by the time Saturday night came around, both Alicia and I were pretty much down for the count.

The whole week was terrible.  I ate cupcakes every day.  I didn't run and I feel/felt like crud.  I actually gained weight this week.  (.2 pounds, but whatever!)  I haven't gained weight since Christmas.  It's been pretty depressing.

I was going to run tonight, but then it's ballet night for Parker, which means we don't get home until 8 and then she often isn't asleep before 9.  The whole thing is just a recipe for disaster.  And, I'm still not feeling great.  Relying on cold medicine to get me through the day.  I feel like these are excuses and if I was REALLY into this, I would just go.  But I really am exhausted and don't feel well.

I'm hopeful that this week will be better.  We get a week off from basketball games, which should help tremendously.  And, we have decided to offer ourselves an incentive: Once we each lose 10 more pounds, we get a date night.  (That's a sad bribe, isn't it?)   But, I'm hoping for a date in 3 weeks!

20 more pounds puts me at a healthy BMI,  30ish more pounds makes me skinny like in college.....

Let's......Go...... (Can you tell it's really hard right now?)

Weight Loss Journey Continued...

I have decided to do at least a weekly update on my weight loss journey, mostly to keep myself in check.  So, I guess this is the first update.

This is a horrible time of year, in general and for my family.  It’s gross and cold outside and we are SO busy.  Every time I turn around there is a basketball game or someone has a meeting –it’s always something.  So, I have been less than motivated to run.  Until a couple of a weeks ago, I religiously ran 3 times a week, through Thanksgiving, through Christmas – everything.  I was Hard Core.  But now, I’m like, “I’m tired. It’s late. It’s cold.”  All are just excuses.  Last week, I only ran once.  This scares me.  A lot.  I feel like I’m quitting.  I need to just get off my butt – no matter how tired or how late and just go.  I have just a few nights a week that I physically can run since we have so many commitments right now and I’m just not making good use of my time.  I should have gone last night, but I didn’t.  

That all being said, the scale was very kind to me this past week!  I lost 4.8  pounds!  I think I was just getting lucky.  Some weeks, I do all the right things and lose nothing.  This week I did all the wrong things and still lost weight.  I kicked off last week by overeating at a Super Bowl Party, then didn’t run as I should, then ate too much a couple of nights that we had basketball, then went out to dinner with friends and had (GASP!!!!!) dessert and a few fries.  (I should say though that I chose the berry crepe and not the quadruple chocolate pile of yumminess that I REALLY wanted to eat.) I thought for sure that I was heading straight back up, but the scale just kept slowly moving down. 

I think someone needs to remind me of this week when I’m doing everything right, but the scale isn’t cooperating.

Ok:  So here is my goal for this week.  It’s an oldie, but I haven’t been good about it.

I will run three times this week.  (If weather does not permit,  I will use our gazelle or do some Wii.  It’s not the same, but the commitment is the same.) As a result of other commitments, my runs have to be Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

So, hold me accountable internet friends.  Ask me how my run was!  (Tonight it was decent!)

Keep on Keepin' On

So, I have been bad about blogging.  I don’t think anyone has cared.  But, today (at work, which gives you an indication of how bored I sometimes get) I decided to do a blog about this weight loss thing that I’m doing. 

Sometime at the beginning of the school year, my family embarked on a Biggest Loser kind of thing.  I did alright.  I lost around 8 pounds.  (Over  the course of a month or so).  Then, I stopped for a bit and really hopped back on the bandwagon sometime in November.  I don’t really even remember when I actually started, but I got intrigued by the Couch to 5K thing that a friend of mine had started.  (Woot!  Thanks, Cathy!)  So, I decided to give it a go. 

Here I am in November.  It looks like my face is swollen I was so fat.  Why didn’t someone tell me?

 Crap. It was it hard.  All it wanted me to do at first was run for a minute, then walk for a minute and a half.  Then repeat this 5 times.  I thought I was going to die.  I was, apparently, really really out of shape.  I started to freak out.  I looked ahead a few days in the program.  What?  Run for 3 minutes straight?  I can’t do that.  I won’t ever be able to do that.  But, I kept plugging.  Some runs were really, really, really hard.  Around Christmas time, I was up to running for 20 minutes straight!  Hot dang!  The program actually works.  I stayed on that level for a few weeks, through the holiday season.  And, for Christmas, Alicia got me an iPhone so I could install the running app as well as a calorie counter on MY phone instead of stealing hers every night.

I was stoked.  I set up a running playlist and started anew after the New Year.  (I had gained 5 pounds over Christmas and was completely mad at myself.)  But, I’ve kept going.  Over MLK day weekend I completed the final day of the Couch to 5K program – run for 35 minutes straight with a 5 minute walk on either end.  I did it!  And, I’ve done it several times since then.  I am also counting calories like a fiend.

Now, it’s getting harder.  I’m getting really bored with running outside.  We are super busy which makes me more tired at 8:30 when I should be running. (Or not even home at all!)  My weight loss has slowed down.  It wasn’t unusual before to lose a pound or two a day.  Now, I’m at a pound (or if I’m lucky) two a week.  I’m not seeing as rapid of results and that makes my motivation wane.

But, I’m going to keep on keepin’ on.  Cupcakes, chips, bread (the root of ALL evil) beware.  You may win a battle or two, but I will win the war.

Here I am (stellar pic, I know, but it’s what I could do) today. 

Ideally, I would like to lose 40 more pounds – putting me back to what I weighed in college.  Realistically, I think I think I’m looking more at 25.  We will see.  I’m just going to keep going. 

Oh – and total weight loss since August – 44 pounds

Total weight loss since November – 36 pounds