My mom didn't work until a few years ago. Sally was at least in late middle school before she started working and even then, she was working "part-timeish" so that she could get to all of Sally's stuff. I really appreciated her staying home and being able to volunteer in my classroom at school and things like that. I wanted to be able to offer that to my kids. However, I see her struggling now with working. She never really finds a job that she likes and I think she is going to have a horrible time in a couple years when Sally goes to college. Part of this is just my mom, but I think a great deal of it is that she spent 25 years at home raising kids and now really doesn't know what to do with herself. I worry about that.
Getting pregnant is a very expensive process for us. We burned through about half of our savings getting pregnant with P. I want another baby. If I am not working, it's going to be really hard to save up the amount of money it will take to have another baby. Other financial concerns include the fact that if I am not working, I will have to self-insure since I can't be included on Alicia's insurance. (Also making more challenging to have another baby!)
I agree with Carrie in thinking that babies are only little once - I could return to teaching after the kid(s) go to school. But, doing that isn't always as easy as it seems. And - how are we going to have other kids if we don't have a dual income?
On the other hand....
I truly believe that people should raise their own children. What kind of awful parent am I if I just ship my infant off for someone else to deal with during the day? I read the info on the websites about all the teachers playing with the babies and all the wonderful one on one time that is spent with them and I literally start crying because I don't want to pay someone to play with my baby. I want to play with my baby! I want to be there when she rolls and crawls and walks and all of those things.
Although I, theoretically, will be in a different position, I will still be in the same school district and I have not had super positive experiences there. I HATE my current position, which made the decision to stay home and deal with everything else much easier. Now that the position is different (and quite ambiguous at that) I may be making it rosier than it is. I could hate it just as much. Then, I would be paying someone to play with and raise my baby while I went to a job that I hated. That's certainly not right.
I suppose I don't have to make a decision right now. Who knows how I will actually feel about everything once P is here. It's just on my mind right now.
4 comments:
Are you inside my head? Because these are all my thoughts about going back to work as well. We'll be back Saturday night. Can we then agonize together?
Again, I completely feel you. I am very fortunate in that I really like my current job, so that's a big helper for me. But, having had several jobs that I REALLY, REALLY was unhappy in performing, I would certainly not be wanting to return to a job that I was not enjoying. That would make everything a million times worse.
I think the elementary job sounds like a great one and one that I think you would excellent in performing. When I was at Windsor I really liked the guy that came to do band with my students. He had actually volunteered to help out the Worthington High School marching band and knew my sister, so whenever he came we always had something to talk about and he knew that I sincerely cared about band which made his life a little easier. Why do I bring this up?
Having had the experience of someone entering a school staff in the middle of the year, there are two possible reactions. I have entered a staff mid-year in two different buildings and have experienced both. The first option is the good reaction where people willingly come up to you and introduce themselves and attempt to get to you know and what you're about. They're willing to let you in on the behavior "secrets" they've learned about the kids and they actually want you to be successful. The second option is the unfavorable - everyone ignores you, despite your best attempts to become "involved" in things people don't really care to discuss anything with you and leave you alone in your own little bubble, and if you have any behavior problems with your students you better expect to be dealing with them on your own because everyone else has "figured out" the "system" by that point in the year and they're not going out of their way to help you.
Now, I am not trying to make you feel badly about this position before it has even started. You may very well experience option number one and life with go swimmingly. I'm sure that if you start using the "Think Method," in fact, that things will go this way. :) Just also realize that even if things don't go so smoothly, they are more likely to improve when you start school with the group you'll be working with for the full year and teachers and students can get to know you and work with you.
No matter what, I know this is an agonizing decision and as you said, you don't have to make it right now. Just try to look at the bright side if you do go back to work and realize that you'll likely only have to have P in childcare from January through June and you'll be able to see her every evening and wake up with her every morning during those 4 months. That's still going to be at least 12 hours of the day (more than half) that you'll be spending with her, even if several of those hours are sleeping ones. :) I'm anxious to see what you think of the Goddard School, so please post your opinion. We have them here too!
I didn't hear about the new job until this morning, and my first response was to say YAHOO! (not quite as loudly as when you announced Baby P, but almost)! This is the job you've wanted since I've known you. I can't help but be really happy for you. You would be supremely excellent at it. However, reading your ponderings, I do feel your pain. Actually until I was 28 weeks I sincerely thought I was going back to work too....long story, but God decided otherwise. He really does make it Perfectly Clear which is the right choice...(and He's Oh so Subtle about letting us know.) We can Pray He sends you bright neon signs to make the choice obvious.
Or I know, How about they just keep you non-paid, like on a waiting list, while you do extended maternity leave, such as through the whole 2008/9 school year :) and THEN you can do VH-1 Band in 2009/10! Then P will be a year old, you won't have missed first steps, smiles, and all that, and you won't be so frazzled about having to leave her. Though I wonder....Would they even do that? Those comments about teachers being less than festive with the newbies are slightly discouraging, but I know that if they even bother to get to know you they'll Have to love you like we do.
At least the THINK Method combined with Prayer should provide the answer to all our problems.
It does seem possible that I could extend my leave of absence for another semester. They allow you up to 2 years. I think that I can make that decision in the fall though. They might actually be in favor of it so that they don't have to scrounge up some random job for me in January. We'll have to wait and see. I don't always trust those in power....
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