Weekly Update

Well, here it is:  The Weekly Update. 

Pounds lost this week : 5! 

I also went down another size, which is pretty exciting.  Do you even know how incredibly awesome it is to :

1) Not have to shop in the “plus” department? 

2) Not have to take the largest size on the rack – in the “regular person” section?

3) Realize how many cute clothes are out there – and that I might actually look good in them?    Sadly this is a moot point at the moment since we are only buying clothes to “get by” until we reach our goal weights.

However, I’m just not feeling great about things right now.  I think it’s because I’m not really exercising.  I used the gazelle twice last week (Wednesday and Sunday) but I’m not sure if it’s really helping.  My knees always hurt when I am done and I never really feel winded or like it’s a real workout.  I always feel really powerful and proud of myself after I’m done running.  I don’t get that with the gazelle.

We have a treadmill picked out, we just have to buy it (and assemble it).  I’m nervous about buying a piece of exercise equipment.  Mostly because I have seen so many major purchases like that just sit around in people’s houses and I don’t want to waste our money. I just need to stay motivated.

It’s hard to stay motivated to exercise when I am still losing weight without physically doing too much.  I know it’s not all about the weight.  It’s about being healthy and not feeling winded when you have to carry your completely-exhausted-almost-40-pound-preschooler out of the Children’s Museum and up - and then down - all those stinking ramps (which I successfully did on Sunday, thank you very much), but part of me is just LAZY.

So, I suppose my goals for this week are:

1) to keep movin’ down.  I would like to break into the next set of 10

2) to obtain the treadmill.  In the meantime, I should do something small (like gazelle) on our busy nights and I should RUN on Thursday.

Great Friends

I just want to send a quick "thank you" to all who have posted comments on my last post.  I really appreciate all the support and am really sorry if I came off as whiny or in some tragic state.  Honestly, I was (and am) just frustrated at all the things I think I should be, even if it really is impossible.

I'm doing better right now because the weight loss has begun progressing again.  I haven't run yet this week, but I did use our old Gazelle last night.  It's not the same as running, but it was close-ish.  Right now, I think I'm just going to be happy if the scale is moving in the downward direction.

I still haven't really decided on a goal weight.  I'm just trying to chunk things.  6.4 more pounds before I reach my 10 pound date goal.  About 15 more before my BMI falls into the normal category.  I'll set more goals once I reach those.

Shockingly, I have a bunch of school work that I should be doing, so maybe I'll go do that.  (Or maybe not.  Whatever.)

Never Enough

I’m struggling right now – with many things, but mostly with not being able to be everything I want to be. 

I want to be healthy and in shape (and perhaps 2 pants sizes smaller)

I want to be organized

I want to have a clean house

I want to have a cute, well decorated house

I want to blog

I want to read.  Boy, do I want to read.

I want to play my flute (and maybe more than once a week at band)

I want to do projects and go on fun outings with Parker

The problem is that I also want/need to have a little bit of time to do nothing.  To decompress.  By the time I get home from school with Parker (on a night when we have nothing scheduled) it is 5pm.  This leaves me 2.5 hours with Parker in which to cram all the things I want to do that involve her and all the things we HAVE to do that involve her (bath, dinner etc).  This is not a great deal of time and Parker is normally kind of cranky at the end of her day.  So, grandiose ideas of craft projects and things of that nature are gone. 

By the time she is bedded down for the night it is anywhere between 8 and 9pm. (Yes, it can last that long on a bad night and if one single person judges me on the way my kid goes to bed right now, I might actually throw this computer across the room.)  If I actually want to feel rested in the morning, I have one hour of time left.  If I want to merely function and get through my day while sleep-deprived, I have 1.5 or 2 hours. 

So, let’s say I run.  This takes 45 minutes of actual running and then 15 of getting ready and becoming  human again at the end.  There’s an hour.  If I’m going for merely functioning, I have 30 minutes to an hour left to do anything else.  (Please keep in mind that I am now operating in hour 16 of my day and I haven’t stopped.)  It’s at this point that I SHOULD organize something or read a book or clean the bathroom (or pick up the random clutter that is always laying around) or write a blog post.  But, instead I just sit and feel bad about myself because I’m too tired to do anything else.

And all of this assumes that we have nothing scheduled for the night (no pep band, no dance class, no random meetings, no band rehearsal)

The thing that kills me is that I know there are other Moms out there (Alicia, for one) who do this too, but I just can’t seem to get it together and actually get it done.

And then, all these people are posting about their freezer meals and the books they’ve read or the cute craft project(s – yes MORE THAN ONE!) that they are doing with their kids.  And here I am trying to get in “quality time” with Parker while she’s watching the rest of her Sesame Street and eating “cheese and bread with no crust” and I’m unloading the dishwasher.  My house looks like something has exploded in it.  Even when it’s clean, it’s not all nice and organized.  I feel like I’ve fallen off the weight-loss wagon and really the only thing in the entire world I want to do right now is organize Parker’s closet and drawers to get rid of the things that don’t fit her, but there isn’t any time for that, so I guess I will keep piling all the ill-fitting clothing on the top of her closet and hoping that they don’t one day come toppling down on me.

Meh.

Epic Fail

This week has been a complete and total failure.  I did NOT even come close to meeting my goal of running 3 days.  I ran on Monday.  Tuesday, being Valentine's Day and all, was spent together as a family on the couch.  Then came Wednesday.  I was supposed to run, but then I just had a really bad headache and was starting to feel gross.  I thought it was ok - I could run Friday and Saturday nights.  Then, my throat started really hurting and my voice went away.  It was not pretty.  Friday, we ended up going out with friends for a little bit and by the time Saturday night came around, both Alicia and I were pretty much down for the count.

The whole week was terrible.  I ate cupcakes every day.  I didn't run and I feel/felt like crud.  I actually gained weight this week.  (.2 pounds, but whatever!)  I haven't gained weight since Christmas.  It's been pretty depressing.

I was going to run tonight, but then it's ballet night for Parker, which means we don't get home until 8 and then she often isn't asleep before 9.  The whole thing is just a recipe for disaster.  And, I'm still not feeling great.  Relying on cold medicine to get me through the day.  I feel like these are excuses and if I was REALLY into this, I would just go.  But I really am exhausted and don't feel well.

I'm hopeful that this week will be better.  We get a week off from basketball games, which should help tremendously.  And, we have decided to offer ourselves an incentive: Once we each lose 10 more pounds, we get a date night.  (That's a sad bribe, isn't it?)   But, I'm hoping for a date in 3 weeks!

20 more pounds puts me at a healthy BMI,  30ish more pounds makes me skinny like in college.....

Let's......Go...... (Can you tell it's really hard right now?)

Weight Loss Journey Continued...

I have decided to do at least a weekly update on my weight loss journey, mostly to keep myself in check.  So, I guess this is the first update.

This is a horrible time of year, in general and for my family.  It’s gross and cold outside and we are SO busy.  Every time I turn around there is a basketball game or someone has a meeting –it’s always something.  So, I have been less than motivated to run.  Until a couple of a weeks ago, I religiously ran 3 times a week, through Thanksgiving, through Christmas – everything.  I was Hard Core.  But now, I’m like, “I’m tired. It’s late. It’s cold.”  All are just excuses.  Last week, I only ran once.  This scares me.  A lot.  I feel like I’m quitting.  I need to just get off my butt – no matter how tired or how late and just go.  I have just a few nights a week that I physically can run since we have so many commitments right now and I’m just not making good use of my time.  I should have gone last night, but I didn’t.  

That all being said, the scale was very kind to me this past week!  I lost 4.8  pounds!  I think I was just getting lucky.  Some weeks, I do all the right things and lose nothing.  This week I did all the wrong things and still lost weight.  I kicked off last week by overeating at a Super Bowl Party, then didn’t run as I should, then ate too much a couple of nights that we had basketball, then went out to dinner with friends and had (GASP!!!!!) dessert and a few fries.  (I should say though that I chose the berry crepe and not the quadruple chocolate pile of yumminess that I REALLY wanted to eat.) I thought for sure that I was heading straight back up, but the scale just kept slowly moving down. 

I think someone needs to remind me of this week when I’m doing everything right, but the scale isn’t cooperating.

Ok:  So here is my goal for this week.  It’s an oldie, but I haven’t been good about it.

I will run three times this week.  (If weather does not permit,  I will use our gazelle or do some Wii.  It’s not the same, but the commitment is the same.) As a result of other commitments, my runs have to be Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

So, hold me accountable internet friends.  Ask me how my run was!  (Tonight it was decent!)

Keep on Keepin' On

So, I have been bad about blogging.  I don’t think anyone has cared.  But, today (at work, which gives you an indication of how bored I sometimes get) I decided to do a blog about this weight loss thing that I’m doing. 

Sometime at the beginning of the school year, my family embarked on a Biggest Loser kind of thing.  I did alright.  I lost around 8 pounds.  (Over  the course of a month or so).  Then, I stopped for a bit and really hopped back on the bandwagon sometime in November.  I don’t really even remember when I actually started, but I got intrigued by the Couch to 5K thing that a friend of mine had started.  (Woot!  Thanks, Cathy!)  So, I decided to give it a go. 

Here I am in November.  It looks like my face is swollen I was so fat.  Why didn’t someone tell me?

 Crap. It was it hard.  All it wanted me to do at first was run for a minute, then walk for a minute and a half.  Then repeat this 5 times.  I thought I was going to die.  I was, apparently, really really out of shape.  I started to freak out.  I looked ahead a few days in the program.  What?  Run for 3 minutes straight?  I can’t do that.  I won’t ever be able to do that.  But, I kept plugging.  Some runs were really, really, really hard.  Around Christmas time, I was up to running for 20 minutes straight!  Hot dang!  The program actually works.  I stayed on that level for a few weeks, through the holiday season.  And, for Christmas, Alicia got me an iPhone so I could install the running app as well as a calorie counter on MY phone instead of stealing hers every night.

I was stoked.  I set up a running playlist and started anew after the New Year.  (I had gained 5 pounds over Christmas and was completely mad at myself.)  But, I’ve kept going.  Over MLK day weekend I completed the final day of the Couch to 5K program – run for 35 minutes straight with a 5 minute walk on either end.  I did it!  And, I’ve done it several times since then.  I am also counting calories like a fiend.

Now, it’s getting harder.  I’m getting really bored with running outside.  We are super busy which makes me more tired at 8:30 when I should be running. (Or not even home at all!)  My weight loss has slowed down.  It wasn’t unusual before to lose a pound or two a day.  Now, I’m at a pound (or if I’m lucky) two a week.  I’m not seeing as rapid of results and that makes my motivation wane.

But, I’m going to keep on keepin’ on.  Cupcakes, chips, bread (the root of ALL evil) beware.  You may win a battle or two, but I will win the war.

Here I am (stellar pic, I know, but it’s what I could do) today. 

Ideally, I would like to lose 40 more pounds – putting me back to what I weighed in college.  Realistically, I think I think I’m looking more at 25.  We will see.  I’m just going to keep going. 

Oh – and total weight loss since August – 44 pounds

Total weight loss since November – 36 pounds