I thought I had it all figured out. I was going to quit in January. I was going to be a stay at home mom. Alicia jokes (or semi-jokes) that my grand plan was to quit my job, buy a bigger house and have another baby. This was basically true. Yes, the plan was flawed, but I thought it would all work out.
Today, I find out that I am definitely getting a VH-1 elementary band position for the 2009-2010 school year - possibly when I return in January, but I will definitely not be returning to the high school after my initial few weeks this fall. They have already hired my replacement. They are not entirely certain what I will be doing in January, but I have a new VH-1 spot next fall and will probably be working with those programs in January.
This sort of turns my plan on its head. Working more regulated hours with elementary band and being able to work with beginners is what I want. However, I am really nervous to put P in day care. It just doesn't seem right. She would be so little.
On the other hand, if I keep working, we really would be able to buy a bigger house and have another kid (and then I could quit if we wanted). I know it's not all about money, but there are things I want us to be able to do as a family that we wouldn't be able to if I wasn't working.
I'm very conflicted. But we are touring the Goddard School tomorrow, which is something I haven't been able to make myself do until today, so I guess the possibility of returning to work became less scary and traumatizing today.
All that being said - part of me feels that the system is still going to screw me over. We will see. I'm excited at the new possibility.
4 comments:
It's such a tough choice! I hated my job and even I had thoughts of "am I doing the right thing?", "can we make it financially?", and "was it dumb to spend 6 years getting a master's degree that I may never use?" In the end, you will make the best decision you can and just remember: if it's not working, you can always change your mind! Good luck!
Good luck with your decision! I kind of peacefully decided that I was done with my full time job. I would honestly stay home full time if we could do it, but we need me to pick up part time hours. It's hard, I know! Brett is so small, and it's hard to drop him off in the mornings, but he's staying with grandma so that makes me feel better. I know that you guys will make the best decision. Hey, I look at it like the career is always there, but babies are only small once!
I think I can speak to this as well - I can't tell you how much I'm already dreading having to send Sadie to day care - even knowing that my sister went to the exact same place and she's clearly turned out all right.
For us, though, there's really not a choice. While I love my house, I clearly do not love its location and over my dead body will Sadie attend CPS. This leaves us with no option but for me to continue to work.
While it saddens me greatly to think of the things I will be missing out on, at least I know in the back of my mind that I'll be able to pick her up by 3:15 pm on most days and I'll still be able to spend the whole summer with her which are definite advantages of being a teacher.
And, whereas I completely agree that babies are only small once, I also know that if I want what's best for Sadie in her later life (i.e. going to school somewhere safe, having financial help for college, having financial help paying for a wedding), the only way that Adam and I will be able to make those things happen for her is for me to continue working now.
Clearly a very tough decision no matter what, but hopefully whatever you decide it's what feels right to you and only you can know that.
I can't remember whether your mom ever worked when you through Sally were growing up, but I know the fact that my mom didn't work from the time I was born until I was in 2nd grade was initially giving me much guilt over feeling the need to return to work. However, after many months of rationalizing all of the things above, I also reminded myself that because my mom didn't work, my dad essentially worked 2 full time jobs the entire time I was growing up. He worked as a teacher by day and a men's shoes salesman at Lazarus by night. Unless we went to Lazarus I very rarely saw my dad while I was growing up. He worked the 2 jobs until I was a freshman in high school. So, the only way my parents were able to swing my mom not working was by my dad working twice as much. Thinking about things in this light made me not feel quite so bad about my decision to return and glad that at least we are in a situation where even if Adam is doing a lot of working from home in the evenings, at least he is at home.
Sorry, this is such a long comment, I guess I should have written my own blog! :) Just know that you are far from alone in this decision and you will receive support from me 100% no matter what you decide. :)
I feel your pain. Perhaps we could share a babysitter? If we could find a good one, of course. But, in all the agonizing over the baby, please don't lose sight of the fact that, YAY, you got the job you wanted!!
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