I'm trying, really...

For the last few days, I have really been trying hard to keep a positive outlook on life. It's not that I'm unhappy, it's just that I have so much going on and am really stressed out. When that happens I tend to get harshly sarcastic, merely as a coping mechanism. I've been consciously thinking about not doing that. It's been working pretty well.

However, what is dragging me down today is my ability to be a good parent to Parker right now. She isn't 100% healthy. We aren't entirely sure what is going on, but I know that she isn't feeling her best. All she wants to do is be with me; play with me, cuddle with me. Heck, she even wants to come to the bathroom with me. And she just can't. I have to go to work, I have to go to rehearsal. I feel like I'm letting her down. As she is falling asleep and I'm rubbing her back, she will cough and make this little sad, "Mommy." Then when I tell her it's time to go to sleep and I will see her in the morning she gets upset but tries to be so strong. She will start whimpering trying not to cry and choke out, "Okay. Love you much." Breaks my heart. During the week, I don't get to put her to bed and Alicia says that she will randomly start crying and asking for me. All I want to do is hold her all night long so that she can sleep better. I want to read books with her and chase her on the playground and be silly with her. But I can't. Not right now. The best I can do is tell her I love her and make sure she is with people she loves who can do those things with her.

I love what I'm doing with the musical, but I miss my own baby. I CANNOT wait until May 2nd.