Photo tag

Okay, I've been doubly tagged.

The object of the picture tag is to:
1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer
2) Select the 4th picture in the folder
3) Explain the picture
4) Tag 4 people to do the sameNO CHEATING! (cropping, editing, etc!) This is a photo of Alicia, her grandparents, her mom and her brother. It was taken, presumably when we were there for Christmas (as indicated both by the date 12/27/05 and Alicia's mom's sweatshirt.) Alicia's grandparents have since both passed away, her grandmother last November and her grandfather the following March.

An attempt to get rid of the Christmas blahs

I normally LOVE Christmas. This year, I am struggling a little because I feel like every day that Christmas is closer is one day closer to me leaving my little girl and going back to a job I hate. However, I am trying really hard to not think about that. (I'm not sure it's working, but I will keep trying.) So, in an attempt to remind myself of all the good things about Christmastime, I am making a list. Here goes:

Things I love about Christmas

1. The way my house feels when it's all decorated for Christmas. I love sitting in the living room with nothing but the tree lights on. It just feels homey, cozy and like there is nothing wrong in my world.

2. Giving gifts. I love to Christmas shop and wrap presents. I look forward to that part every year. Then, I get to give them and that is awesome!

3. Watching Parker look at the lights and the tree. She LOVES them. It's amazing!

4. Getting to spend time with a slightly less stressed Alicia.

5. Playing ridiculous games with my ridiculous family into the wee hours of the morning.

6. Taking part in the present wrapping assembly line at my mom's house. My mother is usually behind on purchasing and wrapping presents, so on Christmas Eve she is usually in her room, boxing the presents, writing the recepient's name on them and sending them downstairs to be wrapped and placed under the tree. It's crazy, but I like it. (Probably because I like wrapping presents!) :)

7. Christmas socks. They are happy AND I don't have to worry about whether they match my clothes or not. It doesn't matter.

8. Christmas cookies. I don't normally like cooking or baking, but I love making Christmas Cookies. I think this may have come from our year in NH when we had nothing to do other than make like 15 different kinds of cookies and cart them across the country!

9. "Old" Christmas music. By that, I really mean the music my parents listened to when I was growing up - the Bing Crosby album, the Carpenters album....

10. The Christmas station - non-stop Christmas music!!!!! Gotta love that!

11. "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" - Every Christmas at my Grandma Sharp's house, my aunt will play the piano and my father leads us in a rendition of the aforementioned song. My Grandma loves it! Alicia thinks this is creepy and wrong. :)

12. My father's knees creaking on the stairs. When we were all little, my brothers and sisters and I would get up super early and wait for my parents to come downstairs on Christmas morning. We always knew they were coming when you could hear my dad's knees creaking!

13. Snow - This is more of a winter thing, and we don't get enough here in Indiana, but it always makes me happy.

14. How my father always guesses what a gift is while opening and says "It's glubs!" (gloves) I don't know where this came from, but he does it at least once a Christmas.

15. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir cd - This reminds me of Christmas at Alicia's house because I think it's the only Christmas cd they own and they always play it!

16. Schlepping through all kinds of weather with my parents and siblings (and now MY family) to get a Christmas tree.

17. Opening presents with Alicia late at night - we used to have to open presents on a day other than Christmas because we traveled. This year we are not, but I think we are still going to open on Christmas Eve because that's just sort of become our tradition (and Parker will be sleeping!)

18. Christmas Eve church - I'm not normally a big organized religion fan, however, something about everyone in a room singing "Silent Night" a capella just gets me.

19. The way my mom is always so exhausted on Christmas morning (see number 6 on being behind) that everything is hilarious and we often reduce her to a laughing, wheezing mess!

20. All the crazy poems, songs and scavenger hunts my family does to give large presents. That's right, if we give a large, unwrappable gift we will do one of three things 1) re-write the lyrics to a popular Christmas song that gives clues about the gift and make the recepient sing the song in front of everyone 2) create a holiday themed poem that identifies the gift or 3) send the recepient on a wild goose chase throughout the house until he or she finds the cleverly hidden gift. Much hilarity generally ensues!

21. The way I still get excited Christmas morning - It's for different reasons now than when I was younger, but I'm excited either way!

22. Alicia's mom's Christmas sweatshirts, turtlenecks and pins.

23. My mom's snowman collection.

24. My Christmas spreadsheet (and yes, it's red, white and green!)

25. Memories of driving all over creation last year on and around Christmas to make Parker. (Best Christmas Gift EVER!)

Hopefully, when I get feeling down - I can come back and read this list. It certainly made me happier to write it down. I'm sure there are many more things that I am missing, but I think that, for now, this list has served it's purpose. 16 more days 'til Christmas!

Little Stinker

My 2 1/2 month old has everyone wrapped around her little finger and she knows it. I really didn't think that babies so little could manipulate, but Parker certainly can and does. Here are two prime examples.

Last weekend, my sister was visiting and was entertaing Parker by dancing. Parker thought this was the most hilarious thing ever - she was almost laughing. Sally danced for a good 20 minutes to Parker's amusement and then told P that she had to go write her paper. Parker immediately made a ridiculous pouty face. (If you haven't seen my daughter's pouty face -it's insane. She sticks her lower lip out so far and wrinkles her forehead. I laugh everytime.) I thought this was just a random occurance - until today.

I was in the computer room trying to dig a path through the Christmas presents and Alicia was entertaining Parker in the study. Alicia calls me in to watch Parker. Parker is lying on her blanket and Alicia is leaning from the ottoman so that her face is above Parker's. Whenever Alicia pulled her face back in an attempt to begin grading again, Parker made her pouty face. This happened EVERY time Alicia pulled away and began to not pay attention to Parker. Sheesh! The poor baby looks so pathetic with her pouty face on that I gave up my project and played with her so her other mom could get some grading done. I guess the pouty face worked! :) Smart baby.

Lastly, some quick cuteness. The hat is actually a snowman head (complete with hat, which you can't really see since it's black.) One of the parents at Alicia's school really likes to knit baby hats. We have 3 already!

Adventures in Cutting a Christmas Tree

I am a Christmas Tree freak. I have to have the proper kind of tree, cut live the Sunday after Thanksgiving. It can be no other way. I'm not really sure why - I'm pretty sure that it's just my mother coming out in me. (Sorry, Alicia) Anyway, last year we finally found a tree farm that we liked. It's in Fortville. "Where?" you ask. It's in Hamilton county about 45 minutes away from here. But, totally worth the drive. Anyway, I was excited to take Parker to get the tree this year. Then I thought of the logisitcs of taking a two month old to cut a Christmas Tree. I don't think it would be so bad if I could actually wear the Baby Pack, but I can't. My boobs are too big (sorry if that was tmi, but as Andy Wright said years ago - I cannot hide my obnoxiously large breasts.) So, that meant that Alicia would have to carry Parker. This is fine, but I am not really strong enough to actually cut down the tree. Call me a wimp - go ahead - but it's the truth. It would have been challenging to have Alicia both carry the baby and cut down the tree. Luck happened to be on our side this year and my family was in town for Thanksgiving, so we took my brother, my father and his truck with us! We were completely freaked out that Parker would get there (after a 45 minute car ride) and want to eat, or start screaming once we were in the middle of the trees with nowhere to go, or - not even fit in the baby pack with her snowsuit on. So, we gave the snowsuit and the baby pack a test run in the living room, fed her right before we left - even stopped to get us some food when we were almost there just in case she wanted to eat again and loaded up on those expensive pre-made bottles we have gotten at the hospital and we trekked out there.

Parker was AWESOME! She slept through me putting her snowsuit on (in the car!) and through the entire wagon ride out there. She woke up once we arrived, we threw her in the pack and she had an awesome time. As long as Alicia was moving, Parker was happy. We finally found the correct tree, rode the wagon back and fed our happy baby in the lodge while my dad and brother took care of the tree. Gotta love happy babies and helpful family!

I think that the title of this post is actually more exciting that the actual event was! :) That is definitely a good thing.

Here are some picutres: Parker looking for a tree
Parker and Alicia, thinking I'm ridiculous for even attempting this adventure

The whole family waiting on the wagon out

Going domestic

I am probably the least domestic person you will ever meet. I hate to cook, clean, do laundry and I certainly do NOT sew or craft things. However, I love Christmas and I think that Christmas traditions are very important. When I was growing up, my brothers and sister and I all had a handmade stocking that my mom had done. They are each a different material and have our names on them. We still use them. When Alicia and I had our first Christmas, I bought stockings and decided I would try to sew our names on. I did and it wasn't too bad. Now that we have Parker, I really wanted to make her a stocking like my mom had made for me. The concept of actually making something from nothing scared the crap out of me. Sewing machines are completely beyond my realm of understanding. I think I may have made a pillow once in the 6th grade - not sure. Anyway, for the sake of my child's Christmas memories, I decided to embark on this journey. I bought the fabric, (with help from Alicia because I was intimidated by the fabric counter) traced our stockings and cut out two stocking shapes. This part wasn't so bad. I sewed her name on the front. So far so good - but now came the actual sewing. OI! My mother was in town for Thanksgiving and my sister-in-law has a sewing machine. It couldn't be that hard, right? My mom and I have a hard time working on things like this together. She has a tendency to tell me I am doing things all wrong and I am stubborn and don't want to do them anyone else's way. Additionally, she is not great at explaining things. So, when she used the term "presser foot" in the first 30 seconds of our conversation, I knew I was in trouble. Luckily my sister was there to translate for her and I made it through doing it by myself with only a few machine issues. Anyway, it's not perfect, but it's done and I think it turned out okay.
Next post: Adventures in cutting your own Christmas Tree with a 2 month old......stay tuned

P's new trick

Preface: I do NOT think my daughter is a pet. I will not attempt to leave her home for the weekend by herself. I will not make her poop in a box. I will not throw her off the counter and yell, "Get down, you stupid baby!" Don't be thinking I'm a bad mom. It's the only comparison I could think of that made sense!

I love my daughter - more than I can even say. However, for the first month or so of her life I sort of felt like she was a pet - fun, cuddly, lovable, needing fed and taken care of. It didn't really feel like she was an actual person who had thoughts. Lately, that has changed. It feels like she wants to talk to us. She has been babbling and cooing for quite a while now, but recently she has started trying to mimic the sounds we make. This is a very fun game. Sometimes she gets them and sometimes she just makes funny faces trying to figure out how to make the sound. I can practically see her thinking. Either way - it's hilarious!

So, here is a poorly lit video from last night. I didn't have time to get good lighting - the cuteness was in progress - so please excuse the dark and grainy quality.

It's official!

YEA!!!!!!!  Parker officially has two mommies.  Our adoption hearing went really well.  We got there ridiculously early because we are like that and the City-County Building downtown is a little crazy and we wanted to make sure that we could find parking and navigate Parker and all her junk to the proper place.  

We arrive on the proper floor which is, thankfully, much less chaotic than the ground floor and wait in the lobby of our hearing room.  Some crazy lady from a nearby office comes out and coos over our baby and then comments on how much she looks like Alicia.  I LOVED it! :)

Our lawyer arrived and prepped us for the questions that she would ask.  None were hard - just things like name, address, relationship to me (or my relationship to Parker), how long we have been together, did we plan for the child together, with whom does Parker live now, etc.

We were first on the docket with another couple who was adopting their 3rd child.  The hearing room was really small and the judge, thankfully, was really nice.  We were worried because the judge who was so well known for just moving these kinds of cases through died YESTERDAY.  Seriously?  Yesterday?  Anyway, the new judge was fine and plenty nice.  We answered our questions - he didn't have any and then he signed the paperwork right there.

We waited while our lawyer got the paperwork stamped and we left.  It was pretty awesome.  Oh- and we will get a new birth certificate with Alicia's name on it!  We are pumped about that.  We didn't think that could happen in Indiana.  AWESOME!  So, all in all, a really great day.

Cuteness

As promised, here are some pictures from Halloween (yes, Halloween was 2 weeks ago) and just some cuteness at home.

Sad and Happy

Today, I am both sad and happy.  This morning, my sister texted me saying that my brother's dog had gotten away from my sister-in-law (chasing after a deer) and had then gotten hit by a car.  By the time they got Eddie to the animal clinic, it was too late.  I feel really horrible about this.  Both my brother and sister-in-law loved Eddie so much.  He was such a good dog.  I'm not a dog person, and I liked the dog.  I just keep creating scenes of what happened in my head and it makes me want to cry.  I'm not really sure why this is bothering me so much, but I feel much sadder than I thought I would.  I guess the thought of Eddie in pain or the thought of Kimber (my sister-in-law) having to pick him up off the side of the road and drive him to the clinic just tears my heart out.  yeah.....

On to the happy - we have our adoption hearing tomorrow! Woo-hoo!  I didn't expect it to happen this soon since our home study people were ridiculously slow and didn't get the report turned in until last week.  I'm nervous, but so excited that Alicia will "officially" be Parker's Mom.  It's a big day and I'm super excited.  I have clothes laid out and everything! :)  So, that's that.  I will let you know how it goes.  Woot!

(Sorry, no pics.  I'm on Alicia's computer and all the new ones are on the other one. I'll get some up soon.)

A little behind

There have been so many things in the last week or so that I have wanted to write about, but time just kept getting away from me. (Geez, I really sound like my mother....) Anyway, here is a condensed version of the randomness I wanted to write about (in no particular order)

1. Facebook - I recently caved to societal pressure and became part of this crazy internet community. I have mixed feelings about facebook (and other things like it). On the one hand, I think it is just contributing to our society's inability to actually communicate with other humans. Instead of calling or writing our friends, we "stalk" them on the internet to interpret how their lives are going through cryptic status updates and pictures. At least with blogs, the writer takes some time to put something real out there - something more than "Suellen is not sure how she feels about facebook." Additionally, I think it adds to the ridiculous amount of time that we waste on the computer. I am just as guilty as anyone else, but I feel like there are generally better things I could be doing with my life. On the other hand, it is interesting (at least at first) to find old friends that you haven't talked to in years and "stalk" them. Most of the people I am "friends" with haven't communicated with me or vice versa. We just look at each other's pages and think "Oh, she's gotten fat." or "Wow, that doesn't even look like him." So, I guess the jury is still out for me on this. Don't get me wrong - I waste tons of time on it (particularly at 2am when I am pumping), but I'm not sure I really want to.

2. Eyelashes - I'm not really sure when Parker got eyelashes, but lately I've been noticing them. It's weird. Where were they before? Were they just jammed in her eyes? Geez. That had to hurt.

3. My stupid job - When I decided that I would go back to work, the plan as presented to me by the powers that be was that I would do some bizarre, semi made up job from January until May and then have my own elementary band VH-1 program in the fall. I was told that I would not be returning to my old job. They hired a new person who was supposed to be taking the program in a completely different direction (per the superintendent who knows nothing about music or my kids) and he is. Then, last week I receive a phone call saying that they are going to put me back in my old job and move this other guy somewhere else. He wants to do this because of all the elementary school closings for next year. He wants to retain me in the district and high school band directors are like football coaches. They aren't going to get the axe - but elementary music teachers are sure to go. I think that it's nice of him to protect my job, but I do NOT want to return. Additionally, he said that we should make the program into a small ensemble program with no marching band based on the current scheduling. I am all for this, but the kids just spent all fall doing marching intensive things with this other guy because the "new direction" was toward a drum and bugle corp (which was ridiculous, but that's not the point). So, what am I going to do? Just go in there and pretend first semester didn't happen? Plus, there have been so many changes at my school that I basically ignored in the fall - because I thought I wouldn't be returning and because I was in so much pain and focused on the baby for the 2 weeks that I was there. I would be completely lost just showing up on January 5th. Nothing is official yet because I did express these concerns, but I have no idea where else they are going to put me that is "secure" for next year. I feel betrayed and almost lied to. I wouldn't have gone back to work if I knew it meant returning to the same job. Maybe in some ways it's good because if we are to get the things we want (new house, baby #2) we need my salary and if I'd known about this I wouldn't have gone back. Sigh.

Abrupt ending - Parker just woke up. More later....maybe

Weekend Pics

This weekend was Butler's Homecoming, so we took the opportunity to visit with out of town friends and show off Parker. Saturday morning was also the Spirit Run at Alicia's school so we had a big day. My pictures loaded in a funny order and I don't feel like fixing them, so the order is not chronological.

Friday Fill-In and Funny Pic

She was totally hamming it up for the camera!

1. Right now, I'm feeling tired and fat.
2. With my family is where I want to be.
3. How does one get some willpower?
4. Pretty much nothing keeps me on track. I'm very distractable.
5. Please don't make going back to work as hard as it feels like it is going to be.
6. Parker, family, friends, time with Alicia, fall leaves, the first snow, buying gifts and, recently, a clean kitchen fill me with joy.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spending time with out of town friends, tomorrow my plans include showing off Parker at the Spirit Run and Homecoming and Sunday, I want to spend time with my family!

Wordless Wednesday

Behind

I have begun typing this post too many times.  Then, by the time I get back to it, the information is outdated or no longer makes sense because so much time has past.  So, here is the condensed version.  In the past couple of weeks we have: 

Visited with my mom who drove down from Michigan

Driven to Angola to visit my grandparents

Gone to the doctor - 11 lbs 4 oz, 23 and 3/4 inches long (97th percentile for weight, off the charts for height) - Seriously P, you are 5 weeks old - did you not get the memo?

Picked pumpkins (Parker slept through this!)

Gone on our first overnight to visit Alicia's parents in Northern Indiana

Took Parker's first trip to Kohl's (I put this in here only because Alicia's mom is obsessed with Kohl's and made such a giant deal out of this - Parker, shockingly, slept through the whole thing!)

Hopefully, in the next few days I can type an actual post.  In the meantime, here are some pictures from our adventures.

Ridiculously cute photo

We are currently at Alicia's parent's house and their internet is particularly slow so I can't (or rather, don't want to wait around to) upload the rest of the cute pics I have, but I wanted to get one of my new favorites up!  I will write an actual post with the rest of the pics when we get home.  

A Post from Parker

My Weekend
By: Parker Alyse

This weekend was so much fun! My Aunt Kimber, Uncle Steven and Aunt Stacy came to visit me. I had never met Aunt Kimber and Uncle Steven; I thought they were pretty cool. They fed me and held me and played with me. We even watched football and had a party for my 1 month birthday! I had a very good time.

Here's how it all went down

Aunt Stacy came around dinner time on Friday. We had dinner at Steak-n-Shake and then went to the grocery store. When we got home, I was soooo tired. So, I took a nap on Aunt Stacy.














Saturday, Uncle Stuart and Aunt Lauren joined the party. My moms made cupcakes in my honor. Here I am pondering what I'm going to do with a cupcake. Really, Moms!














After the cupcake fiasco, I spent some time chillin' with Uncle Steven on the couch. He was watching football. I was more interested in watching him!














Finally, on Sunday it was time for the Bears game. My Mom was so excited to have me wear the Bears outfit. Too bad we couldn't watch the game because the Colts played at the same time. I had tons of fun anyway. I can't wait for everyone to come back again!

Friday Fill-Ins

1. One of the best concerts/plays/movies I ever saw that I really didn't think I'd like was The Vagina Monologues. Now my memory of this is a little vague - so I'm not sure if it was the "real" one or not, but it was definitely a bunch of women standing in front of an audience talking about their hoo-has. I thought it would be all depressing, but it was pretty funny as well.


2.Caesar salad is a recipe I recently made (or a meal I recently ordered) that was delicious. I did order this today at Panera (thanks Gwyn and David), but I have also made it at home and it was delicious there as well. I am currently addicted to Caesar salad!!!!


3. It's time for my brother and sister-in-law (and maybe my sister) to come visit. Steven and Kimber haven't met Parker yet and so they are visiting this weekend. I love introducing Parker to her family.


4. A nearly full night's sleep is quite refreshing. Wednesday night Parker only woke up once and Alicia took care of it! I had to get up to pump, but I basically got to sleep through the night! It was the most awesome thing EVER!!!!!!!!


5. If I never hear the word "my friends" again, it'll be too soon. Okay so that's really a phrase and I am only referring to John McCain's serious overuse of it - specifically in the most recent debate. I told Alicia part way through that it should be a drinking game. John McCain - you are NOT my friend!


6. To one side of the curving road was a dangerously close lake, and on the other was I'm not so sure - I have always been concentrating very hard on not driving into the lake. I think there are some trees. This is a road by my parents house that is very curvy and just a few feet from a lake. I am always afraid to drive on it in the winter.


7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to getting caught up with my brothers and sisters, tomorrow my plans include a 1st month birthday party for Parker and Sunday, I want to nap! Isn't that what we always want to do on Sunday?

Things I don't understand

There are many things that I don't know or understand about babies and being a mom. One of these became apparent today.

Parker does not own many long sleeved shirts/onesies or pants in her current size (0-3 months). She has many short sleeved onesies and many fall/winter clothes in size 3-6 months, which I am sure we will make good use of in a couple months. In the meantime, it will be getting cooler soon (although the weather the next couple of days doesn't indicate this!) and we had free money at Babies R Us, so we thought we would go get her a couple pair of pants (khaki or jeans) that would match any of the onesies we already have and grab a couple of long sleeved onesies as well.

WHY DOES NO ONE MAKE CLOTHES IN SIZE 0-3 months? Seriously - we could buy more short sleeved onesies, pants in yellow, green or pink (which we already have and don't exactly match or look right with many of the onesies) or pajamas. That's it! No long sleeved onesies and no generic colored pants. No khaki - heck not even any purple to go with all the purple and turquoise stuff she has. There were so many cute clothes and NONE of them came in her size.

So, two things could be - no one really dresses their infant in anything but short sleeved onesies and pajamas and I just didn't know about this. OR everyone with an infant Parker's size had hit the Babies R Us before we did. But, they didn't even have the ugly clothes in her size.

Perhaps this is my calling - to make cute outfits, outside of onesies and pajamas, for the 0-3 month old child.

We did cave and buy her a Halloween costume though. She'll wear it for a few hours and then we'll sell it to Once Upon a Child, but whatever - it was free and she'll be cute! :)

Wordless Wednesday

What is my lil' cutie thinkin'? (And if anyone could read her mind in general, please let me know. I think it would make my life a lot easier!) :)

Perfect Ending

Today was a hard day.  Parker just did not want to sleep  - or really - did not want to sleep anywhere but on Mommy and I just was sick of holding a sleeping or fussing baby.  I wanted to take a real shower instead of rushing and throwing on some clothes (entirely skipping teeth brushing, deodorant and hair) because she was full-out screaming.  I wanted to pee without feeling guilty because she was, again, full-out screaming.  The house was completely trashed.  It looked like a bottle grave yard - remnants of feeding everywhere.  I kept trying to lay her down to sleep and start doing something else (generally pump the little porker some more milk) and she would just start up again.  I was getting pretty frustrated.

As I was sitting on the couch trying so hard not to move as to wake the child who was awkwardly sleeping on me and getting slightly agitated that Alicia hadn't yet left work, the garage door opened!!!!! She had come home early, bringing yummy dinner and flowers.  She picked up my mess and got the baby to go to sleep in her crib.  We then ate dinner - together at the table and spent some actual time together on the couch!  It was amazing.  

I don't know how she knew I needed that today.  Maybe it was just luck, but it definitely turned my day around.  I guess I should stop thinking evil thoughts about her in the middle of the night.... :)

Friday Fill-in and more cuteness

Okay, so I pretty much have to put in a picture with every post now, because I really just think my kid is cute. I know I am biased and other people have cute kids too, but I really like mine and want to show the world her cuteness. :)

1. October means falling leaves, picking pumpkins, apple cider, fall break and Halloween. It's actually one of my favorite months. I can't wait to take Parker to get pumpkins!

2. Horses scare me! I know that's ridiculous, but they are really big and can hurt you if they aren't nice (or if you do something that scares them!)

3. Leaves are falling all around, it reminds me of New Hampshire. It was so gorgeous there in the fall.

4. My favorite horror movie is none because um - they are scary! Duh!!!!.

5. New Hampshire = good memories. Since I mentioned the brief time we lived in NH in number 3, I guess I will use number 5 to remind myself how really great that year was. It was a cool place to be, and it really solidified our relationship. I know that I was pretty miserable for a good portion of it, but it was great for us and once we decided we were coming back, I had a great time! I want to go back!

6. It was a dark and stormy night and Alicia made me sleep in the closet when I was 5 months pregnant. She is terrified of storms and since we don't have a basement, it happens to be the safest place in our house. I obliged her since she was only trying to look out for me and Baby P.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hopefully staying awake through game night and MAYBE not having to get up EVERY time Parker needs something in the night, tomorrow my plans include leaving my baby and going on a date (sad and happy face here) and Sunday, I want to NAP all day long in preparation for another long week!

My new favorite pic AND 13 Things I should be doing right now

1. Folding the laundry - The basket has been sitting half folded in the living room for 3 days now.

2. Washing the endless array of bottles on my counter - I'm pretty sure I just did that, but the stupid kid ate again!

3. Napping - You are SUPPOSED to sleep when the baby sleeps, but I have not found that to be effective yet.

4. Filing the bills - I hate putting things away. This would take all of 4 seconds, but I just don't wanna.

5. Cleaning the kitchen table - I thought I just did this yesterday, but it seems to have piled up again with random pieces of paper.

6. Sweeping my every-day-more-disgusting floor - mmmmm cat hair everywhere!

7. Picking up the 2 weeks worth of crap that has piled itself on all the end tables - To make matters worse, we put up a couple of tray tables early in the first week of Parker being home since neither one of us was really getting off the couch and these have just morphed into end tables to hold more junk!

8. Cleaning the bedroom - ugh. I can't see my dresser! I have too many clothes and they don't fit, but I don't want to go through and get rid of any yet because I don't know what actually will fit......ergh!

9. Pumping - Oh wait, it just feels that way - I actually don't have to do this again for another hour!

10. Working on the photo album - Probably the most enjoyable of all these tasks, but still not really up for it right now.

11. Figuring out what cool weather clothes Parker actually has - Sadly, I think the answer is not many in a size that actually fits her. Good thing we have $$ at Babies R Us - Free Clothes!!!!!

12. Writing a few more thank you cards - I actually think I have been doing really well at this, but I forgot just a couple people.

13. Figuring out what Alicia and I are going to do on our date Saturday (That's if I can actually bring myself to leave Parker. I'm GOING to do it. For us.) - Yeah, I think I will hop on this one right now. :)

Three things about Today

Today, I am wearing REAL pants. Okay, so they were my "fat" pants and they don't exactly fit the way I would like them to and they are a tad uncomfortable and they might get changed before the end of the day, but I am wearing real pants!!!!!! There is no tummy pannel or elastic waistband for your stomach to hang over. It makes me feel slightly human again. Plus, I would really like to get out of the house tonight and go to the store or something and I am not wearing pajama pants to the store!

Today, is our anniversary. 9 years. It feels like forever and like yesterday all at the same time. I'm bummed that the best way I know how to celebrate right now is with e-cards and real pants. I'm doing what I can, babe. I love you.

Today, Parker is a giant fuss. I have typed this entire thing with one hand because she fell asleep in the middle of getting her clothes changed (Alright, so I picked her up to calm her down for just a sec in between off with the old and on with the new since she was crying so hard she could hardly breathe - and we all know that I am paranoid about her breathing - and she fell asleep.) and now I am afraid to put her down or put her clothes on for fear that she will wake up and start screaming again.

Wordless Wednesday

Life with Parker

I guess it's about time that I update my blog.  As, I'm sure you all know, we brought Parker, aka "Little P or P Baby" home Monday.  Since then things have been completely surreal. (In good ways.)

The first night I didn't sleep at all because I kept waking up at every little noise that Parker made.  She, on the other hand slept beautifully.  To make up for this, she refused to go back to sleep after her feedings the next night.  Since then, we have sort of been on a good night/bad night cycle.  I suppose that's normal.

 

I have gotten completely used to Alicia being home from work.  I'm quite nervous about her returning tomorrow.  I'm not sure that I am going to be able to get through the day without help. I am still getting up every 3 hours to pump (which of course does not line up with when Parker wants to eat) and will have to start doing most of the nightly stuff myself since Alicia will have to get up and actually function in the morning.  Plus, although I am feeling much better than I was a week ago, I still hurt.  I often find myself in positions (usually with the baby) that I can't maneuver out of.  It makes me nervous.

I am psychotically paranoid that Parker is sick or that something is wrong with her.  I would take her to the doctor every day if I could.  At least I have started being able to sleep and not check her breathing every few seconds.  (Maybe every few hours.)

Other than that, things are good.  Lots of lounging around in pajama pants and snuggling with P Baby.  What could be better than that?

Waiting

Ergh! Is it Thursday yet? For a brief period of time Sunday morning I thought that MAYBE we might do this ourselves before Thursday, but I am now thinking otherwise.

Part of me is super excited - to meet "Baby P," to not be pregnant, to begin our life as a threesome.

The other part of me is scared beyond belief - shoulder dystocia is ACTUALLY going to happen (I'm petrified of this), she will be a boy, she won't start breathing, I won't be able to physically do this, something will be wrong with her, I'm not grown up enough to be a mom, I won't think she is cute... The list just goes on and on.

This really all needs to be over with soon, so that I can start worrying about other things.

Seriously

My girlfriend is the best.  I have been whiny and awful all day because my back just keeps spasming and nothing is stopping it.  I'm hungry, but don't really want to eat. (Too much baby in my tummy!) The only thing that sounds good are popsicles.  We don't have any popsicles.  We have already been to the store once today.  I didn't want popsicles then.  Now I do.  So, Alicia has left me hunkered over the ottoman (which I am simultaneously leaning on in an futile attempt to relieve the back pain and using as a desk to type this) to run to the store just to get me popsicles.  Have I mentioned that she is the best?

Potential 9/11 baby

Our plan has once again changed. After spending this week agonizing over whether or not to plan a c-section, we decided we would. Then, we get to the dr today and I am 80% effaced and 3cm dialated. The doctor thinks that is a really good sign since I am only 38 weeks. So, she thought that I might take well to an induction and she assured us that 1) she could get the baby out of my pelvis 2) that if things were not going as well as she wanted them to, we could just go ahead and have a c-section and that it wouldn't have to be a hurried, rushed thing. It would be okay. Originally, we didn't talk about inductions because trying to force a big giant baby out of my body when it's not ready is generally not a good plan, but apparently my body is trying to get ready on it's own, so I guess we will just wait and see.

As of right now, we have the induction planned for 9/11 at 5am.

Don't tell our moms!

Pre-mature Thursday Thirteen

So, I started this blog and then realized that it would fit better as a "Thursday Thirteen," but whatever - it's my blog, I can write what I want!

I am waiting

1) for the pain meds to kick in
2) to hear about Krysten and Missie's babies (come on already!!!!!!)
3) for Alicia to get home
4) to be able to sleep on my stomach
5) to have this baby (even though I am pretty much scared to death)
6) to be able to eat or drink without feeling gross
7) to see Alicia hold the baby for the first time
8) for my mother to stop calling me EVERY SINGLE day just to "check in" (and then tell me all the things I am doing wrong and what I should do to feel better - even contrary to what my doctor tells me)
9) for my brother's house to get built so out of town family has somewhere ELSE to stay
10) for my friends to stop having lives and update their blogs so that I have something to do during the day
11) for a Jimmie John's Turkey Tom
12) to have my life move from limbo to something new
13) for the new season of America's Next Top Model (embarrassing, but true!)

Labor Day Weekend

It seems that my friends have much more of a life than I do. All weekend, I have been stalking all my usual stalks and...nothing. Apparently, everyone is out enjoying the weather and spending time with their families instead of sitting inside and skulking around on the internet.

Not me. I sat on the couch. Why? Because that's about all I can do without being in serious pain. We did take a rather adventerous errand run Saturday (breakfast, 2 stores, the pharmacy and post office), but that totally wiped me out for the rest of the day. I guess we did a little bit - date on Sunday (trying to cram them in before P makes her appearance) and dinner with friends on Monday, but really it was pretty uneventful.

Now, the weekend is over and Alicia is back to school. I am not a person that amuses myself well, so I'm a little bored again. However, I am feeling a little better, so I am GOING to finish those million thank you cards that have been looming over me for weeks. I actually think that we are going to run out of cards so maybe I will just finish what I have and make tomorrow's big adventure a trip to the store! Woo - my exciting life.

Decisions

One more week down.  I am officially full term - yea!  We had a doctor's appointment Thursday during which our doctor talked to us about marcrosomia (ie - having a big 'ole baby).  It was kind of scary.  She didn't really mean for it to be that way, but there are lots of scary things that can happen to me and, more importantly, the baby during birth.  I don't want to do anything that might hurt the baby. 

She gave us a whole bunch of literature that basically said 'we are most sure that we cannot accurately predict macrosomia or shoulder distocia (scary nerve-wrecking thing that happens when the baby's shoulders get stuck in your pelvis) until it happens, but when it happens it's bad.'  Very helpful.  Thank you.

So, Alicia and are faced with a decision.  Planned c-section at 39 or 40 weeks (our choice) or just try to do things naturally and see what happens.  We haven't made any official decisions yet, nor do we have to until Friday at our next appointment, but personally, I don't want to do ANYTHING that could hurt Parker, so I am leaning toward a planned c-section.  I know they are scary, but I want the doctor to do the best possible job she can and I think that would happen more with a planned surgery than with an emergency one (which we are at high risk for).  Plus, I am NOT excited about laboring and then having to have surgery.  I have heard that the planned c is much easier to recover from than the emergency.

I guess for right now, we are just sitting and waiting to see if she decides to come early on her own and debating what we are going to do if she doesn't make her appearance before Friday.  Whatever happens, I suppose that she will be her pretty soon and that will be VERY exciting!

Shower and Nursery Pics

So, now that I'm home all day, I'm a little bored. Here are the pics from our LAST shower.

These are half of the tables that Nancy had set up for us.









Close up of the tables. I think the little floating ducks are pretty cute. (We now have a TON of small floaty ducks.....)












MMMMMMM......dessert buffet.........














We FINALLY got everything moved into Parker's room, so here are a couple of views. Notice the cat by the chair still being ticked off that we moved the bed from this room. (He liked to sleep under it and hasn't figured out that it is just next door!)









The clothes on the changing table really just need washed. They aren't part of the decoration! :)

Update

Finally, after that last, lengthy, whiny post, I have some decent news! :)

My doctor has taken me off work until I have been in physical therapy for a week. I start tomorrow, so I definitely won't be going back until at least Sept. 4th. Yea! Now, I am just a little bored literally sitting around the house all day since moving hurts. But, it's so much better than excruciating pain!

The nurse did mention when I was talking to her yesterday, that the doctor is going to want to talk with us about a c-section. I'm also hoping that she talks with us about induction as well. Generally, I don't want a c-section, but I want the back pain to go away and I'm not excited about birthing a 12 pound baby (with a head in the 98th percentile), so I'm torn. I'm also extremely worried that all this back pain I have been having is indicating that I will have back labor, which I have heard is horrible! At the same time, I really want the whole birthing experience (or at least I say that now) and I know Alicia does.

So, I guess (before having even talked to the doctor) what I would like from you, my loyal readers, is some input on the c-section thing. If you have had one - what was it like? Was the recovery horrible? Did you feel slightly gypped in the whole birthing department? Just general thoughts and opinions would be great as well.

OW!!!!!!!!

If labor is worse than this, I seriously think that I am going to die.

I thought these pills would make it better.  Here are the problems.  

1) They do an okay job, but the pain still comes full force if I move around.  

2) I can't take them at school because they make me REALLY drowsy and fairly out of it.  So, basically, they are helping me sleep, but that's about it.

Here are the things that make my back hurt: 

 1) nothing, sometimes it's just a random horrible pain provoked by nothing.  This happens about once an hour, sometimes more, sometimes less.  

2) Driving.  This is the single most painful thing I can do right now.  

3) Walking, particularly up ramps or stairs, or moving with any amount of speed at all.  

4) Bending or heaven forbid, kneeling. 

5) Sitting in chairs where my legs can't be spread apart so that there is room for my stomach, also prohibiting me from leaning forward slightly (basically any chair with arms) 

6) Standing for a period longer than about 5 minutes

Here is what I have to do in my job: 

 1) Drive 30 minutes to work  

2) Walk to the building (which is farther away now that I get there later and can't get a close parking space) 

3) Walk (okay, really waddle) to the office to sign in. 

4) Begin office type work in a seriously non-ergonomic space.  My chair is about a million years old with arms and no rollers.  My "office" is really a workroom with countertops and no desks.  So, my laptop sits on the counter, I sit in the low, uncomfortable chair and try to not think about the horrifying pain in my back from the driving and the walking 

4) Teach - sit, stand, walk to board, move quickly between workroom and classroom as many children forget things like their cubby numbers, reeds etc - repeat multiple times for multiple children.  Walk around the tiered room trying to individually assess children.  Break into sectionals and try to get children to play instruments for the first time. Lots of bending over, walking and individual manipulation of the instrument in their mouths.  

5) More secretarial things - ie - making copies, cutting music and placing in folders (all while standing since I feel it's unsafe to use a paper cutter that is above your head!)

6) More teaching

7) Lunch (or rather, more typing etc while attempting to eat lunch).  My 'colleague' leaves because he needs time to "refuel and am I going to have that music copied by this afternoon?"

8) more teaching

9) Drive home, pretty much crying all the way because I have never been in so much pain - ever.  (I know, just wait until labor - but then I can have really good drugs, right?)

I really am trying to not be a wimp, but I don't feel like if this back pain is going to continue in this manner (and based on this weekend, I don't think it's getting any better), that I can keep working.  I'm not doing a good job with the kids and it's really, really, really painful.  The last time I saw the doctor, she prescribed the meds; I presumed things would get better.  She still has me working until Sept. 17th.  That is not going to work for me, but I'm not sure I can get her to change it.  I want out NOW!  I don't think I'm going to work on Monday and I'm going to call the doctor.  We'll see what happens.  I start physical therapy on Wednesday, but that's still 3 days of work away.  I just can't do it.

Enough complaining.  But those of you who believe in the 'think system' can start using it at anytime to get this moosette (she is a girl) out of me!

13 Reasons Alicia is great

I meant to do this post yesterday because I have been so appreciative of Alicia during this whole baby/pregnancy thing.  Things got a little crazy with the giant baby bit and my awful back pain, but I figure better late than never.  So, here goes.

1.  She makes my lunch.  Every day.  It's awesome.

2. She has come to every doctor's appointment - everything from follicle measuring to sperm holding to belly measuring.  She has been there.  Every single time.  

3. She lets me just writhe in pain on the couch.  Even though she is often tired and not feeling well, she will do whatever household things need done and let me lay on the couch.

4. I wake her up in the middle of the night to rub my back and she does it.  She's not sleeping much more than I am, but when she is, I am sometimes mean and wake her up because my back hurts and she rubs it.

5. She makes me dinner.  Every night (or at least every night that we cook.)  I never cook.

6. She's even been doing the dishes.  Usually, she cooks and I clean up, but lately she's just been doing it all.  

7. She brings me whatever I ask for.  I'm pretty needy to begin with and now with this whole pregnancy thing, she's pretty much at my beck and call.

8. She has assembled every piece of baby furniture.   I'm sure she has hated ever second of it, but it all looks amazing and it's done!

9. She managed to wade her way through tons of paperwork and jump through a million hoops to adopt Parker.  (This is still in progress, obviously, but the paperwork was ridiculous!)

10. She ties my shoes.  I normally wear slip on shoes for this very reason, but on the occasion when I have had to wear the kind with ties - she has tied them.

11. She has cleaned the cat box single handedly for 15 months.  It's her least favorite chore and it makes her gag, but she still does it.

12.  Speaking of gross things, she has cleaned up tons of cat puke lately.  I can't really go anywhere near it - even if I could, I'm quite sure I couldn't bend to get to it.

13. She just puts up with my moodiness.  That doesn't seem like a huge deal, but the number of times I have cried over nothing in the last few weeks cannot even be counted and every time she has been patient and wonderful even though I know I am driving her crazy.

So, there you have it.  Alicia is the greatest.  

Oh. My. Gosh.

This is going to be quick because apparently Vicatin is NOT the miracle drug and I am hunched over the office chair backward in an attempt to stop hurting. (It's not really working, FYI)

We had our ultrasound. Good news - she is healthy. We are still operating under the assumption that it is a girl. The tech said that she has never been wrong. We didn't get any new evidence today because things are REALLY cramped in there.

Here's why - Our 'little' Parker weighs 8lbs, and anywhere between 3 and 10 oz TODAY. 4 weeks before my due date. Yeah, I don't think we will be waiting that long. Oh, and her head is in the 98th percentile. I'm super excited. No wonder my friggin' back hurts.

Once, twice, three times....

I know I have complained about being done with this pregnancy before, but I think I finally lost it this week.  Sunday night, I was flipping out because she wasn't moving like I thought she should. Alicia convinced me to call the doctor (although I did call Monday morning instead of the middle of the night Sunday) and, of course, they wanted to bring me in.  So, even though I had JUST gotten to school, I turned around and drove to the doctor where they did a non-stress test.  Parker is just fine.  I'm the crazy one.

Monday night, I started having horrific back pain.  I hardly slept at all and nothing was making it any better.  I suffered through the day Tuesday, spent the evening on the couch and hunched backward over an office chair.  I would start to feel better and then I would move, either in place or to get up to go the bathroom, and the knife in my back would return.  After spending the entire night wandering from the bed to the couch to the office chair to the papasan chair to the floor and back again, without really ever sleeping or the pain going away, I decided to call the doctor (yet again).  This time I did not even  bother to go into work first.  I tried, but I was just moving too slowly because of the pain and thought it would be silly to drive to the south side if I was just going to have to go back to my north side doctor again.  Of course, I was not able to actually get through and had to leave a message, so at 8:40, I trekked off to school.  When the office called back (right as I got to school - what great timing!), we decided to move my regular appointment from Friday to today, so I left school early (again) to go to the doctor this afternoon.

Here is the good news from this afternoon's appointment.  The doctor gave me a pill for my back! YEA!  Here's to sleeping tonight!  She also set me up with some physical therapy people who will hopefully make the pill not necessary.  I don't really know what this entails since I haven't heard from them yet, but I'm hoping it just helps me feel better.  Also, the baby is fine.  Apparently, the baby is also potentially BIG.  So.......

We were asked to schedule an ultrasound, which of course will be....tomorrow.  I really don't think I was destined to go to school this week! :)  I'm kind of excited about seeing P baby again tomorrow.  I'm a little afraid that we will find out she is actually a boy and I'm definitely afraid of her being a giant baby.  I guess the good news on the giant baby front is that she might come earlier than 40 weeks (which I am all in favor for at this point!)  So, think good thoughts for us tomorrow as we double check that our baby is a girl and that she isn't some ginormous, monster baby.  I'll keep you posted.

61

Wow!  Yesterday was quite a whirlwind of a day.  The biggest event was baby shower #5.  We have been so lucky to have had so many people want to host showers and give us and the baby tons of love (and stuff.)  Yesterday's shower was completely over the top.  (All of our other showers have been wonderful as well and exactly perfect for the group of people attending.)

The entire lobby of the building was decked out with a duck theme.  Each table had a peace plant in the middle with little rubber ducks floating around it.  There was more dessert than you could ever imagine.  It looked like a wedding reception where the wedding colors were yellow and "duck."  It was really beautiful.  I haven't had a chance to look at the pictures Alicia's brother took for us, but when I do, I will post some.  It was pretty unbelievable.

Now, to the most amazing part.  There were soooooo many people there.  I would guess between 60 and 70 - which leads me to the title of this post. 61.  That's how many thank you cards I need to write from yesterday alone.  (I had better hop on this fast or they aren't going to get done before she gets here!)  I am completely in awe of ALL the people (from all of our various showers) who have come forward offering love, blessing (and gifts) to us and baby Parker.

When we entered this process, I did have some concerns about how the world would react to a baby with two mommies, but I think the past 3 months have clearly demonstrated that she is already one of the most loved babies on the planet and I am so grateful to every person who contributes to that.  So, I will happily buy more thank you cards and try to express my appreciation.  

PS - Extreme appreciation aside - it's a lot of STUFF!!!!!  Spoiled little girl! :)

Caving

So, many of you already know the name we have chosen for the baby, but we finally caved to our families via this picture. We just got sick of putting up and taking down the letters, which we think are really cute. So, here's the picture! For those of you who may not know - officially her name will be Parker Alyse LaMagdeleine Sharp.

Friday Fill-in

1. The last meal I had at a restaurant was at Steak n Shake after the UHS pitch in that had a pitiful amount of food. I'm actually pretty proud that we've made it almost a week without eating out!

2. People who can't give you a straight answer is something I intensely dislike. Perhaps this is slightly skewed right now since my newest co-worker is someone who talks in circles all day long.

3. The full moon really does make kids crazy. As a teacher, I truly believe this. They just go nuts!!!!!

4. Wicked is one of my favorite local expressions. It's not local to the midwest, but it's the only thing I picked up from our time in New Hampshire. Things aren't just wicked. They are wicked something else i.e "I was wicked sick over the weekend," or "I have a wicked mean boss."

5. Sometimes it's best to just go with the flow - don't stress about things that aren't going to change and keep a smile on your face even when you want to scream. In the grand scheme of life, it doesn't matter. (But if it really, truly matters does matter, you should NOT go with the flow and put up a stink!) :)

6. __________ is the best movie I've seen so far this year! This is still blank because I couldn't come up with an answer. I suppose that means that I haven't really seen any good movies. I suppose I could say that is was NOT Mama Mia! (which I only saw because my sister wanted to). It was entertaining in that ridiculous sort of way, but I don't ever want to see Meryl Streep clutch her hand in a fist and dramatically pull it in front of her body or wave her arms in an over the top fashion while singing ever again!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to maybe actually staying awake for the Olympic coverage (better take a nap first) and spending some time with Alicia, tomorrow my plans include cleaning the house for incoming family and baby shower #5! (Woot!) and Sunday, I want to get rid of the family (in a nice polite way) and just lounge around on the couch ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!

Back to Work

Oh yes, I am back to school.  We started with teacher meetings on Monday and Tuesday and then the little darlings came yesterday.  So far, all I am wondering in relation to working and being pregnant is.....How do people do this?  I am sooooo tired and sore all the time.  It's 6:00 and I kind of just wish I could go to bed right now.  

The thing is, I'm not really even teaching right now.  I'm sort of watching someone teach and doing lots of secretarial stuff.  I know that will change and that is what scares me.  I get exhausted WATCHING someone teach and typing on my computer?!  What the heck am I going to do when he wants me to take half the class?  

I haven't been swollen prior to this and now my toes are like sausages and I can barely make a fist.  (This is not ALL the time; it does go down, but still...)  Yeah.

On top of the pregnancy stuff, I'm in a seriously weird position.  I'm "transitioning" this guy to do my job, but he teaches much differently than I do, which is not bad, but it's strange to sit back and watch someone do your job completely differently than you would do it.  Additionally, everyone thinks (well, not the kids so much - not that they don't like him, they just aren't as enamored as the administration) he is REALLY great.  He's promising big things that I'm not sure can be accomplished in the amount of time he has.  The kids think that all of this stuff is going to happen soon and I think he means that these things will be achieved in 10 years.  Plus, I think it's crappy that I have to sit and "help" him teach and then do all the paperwork stuff when he gets to sit around and think about the program.  I dunno.  I just kind of want it to be done.

Maybe I'm just jealous and bitter because he might do a better job than me.  I don't know.  I suppose only time will tell.  It's just emotionally and physically hard right now.

Friday Fill-in and brief update

1. You know you're old when you get excited over buying a washer and dryer. (At least that was when I first felt old....8 years ago....sheesh!)

2. My heart is divided between nothing. I know right where my heart is.

3. Some strawberries and my chores to be done are what I need RIGHT NOW! I suppose that I don't NEED those things. They both will happen before the end of the day.

4. I have felt the love for a child, I have known the depths of worry for that same child. I imagine that both of these will intensify when she joins the 'real' world.

5. Gah, won't these people shut up?! (This is sort of a future 'Gah!' seeing as I start my stupid teacher meetings on Monday.....I've been through enough of them that I know exactly how they will go......)

6. Come as soon as you can! (This is directed both to Alicia and P. Alicia, because I miss her when she is at school and P because I am excited to meet her and I am soooooo done being pregnant!)

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to free pizza and hanging out with friends, tomorrow my plans include the grocery store and perhaps some garage shelving projects and Sunday, I want to sleep in and kick off Alicia's school year with a good ole University High School picnic!

Oh - and we had a doctor's appointment this morning. Things are still fine. Next time we get to start the "fun" internal poking and prodding. I can't wait. (Well, maybe not for the actual poking but at least it will mean that things are getting closer!)

Just a follower

I'm just a copy cat....... (and I'm a little bored)

USING ONLY ONE WORD.....
1. Where is your cell phone? dunno
2. Your significant other? sad
3. Your hair? frizzy
4. Your mother? GONE!
5. Your father? frustrated
6. Your favorite thing? cookies!
7. Your dreams last night? creepy
8. Your favorite drink? water
9. Your dream/goal? family
10. What room you are in? guest
11. Your hobby?sleep
12. Your fear? loneliness
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? settled
14. Where were you last night? home
15. Something that you aren't? reserved
16. Muffins? YES
7. Wish list item? house
18. Where you grew up? suburbia
19. Last thing you did? e-mail
20. What are you wearing? jammies
21. Your TV? silent
22. Your pets? sleeping
23. Friends? wonderful
24. Your life? busy
25. Your mood? somber
26. Missing someone? yes
27. Your car? garage
28. Something you're not wearing? shoes
29. Your favorite store? Target
32. Your favorite color? green
33. When is the last time you laughed? dinner
34. Last time you cried? yesterday
A) Four places that I go to over and over: school, home, Kroger, gas
B) Four people who email me regularly: Mom, IPS, Aunt, friends
C) My favorite four places to eat: Fondue, home, Jimmy's, Bravo
D) Four places I would like to go right now: East, future, vacation, shower
E) Four TV shows I watch all the time? Runway, Models, Lost, Genius

Boring update

I don't feel as there is much to post about, but even Alicia is asking me if I have updated my blog, so here's an update.

I'm done being pregnant. This seems a bit early to me. I know this happens to everyone, but I still have 6 weeks to go (assuming P decides to get here on time and somehow I think that isn't going to be the case.) I feel like I am "done" too early. But, I am soooooo done. I can't sit. It's uncomfortable. I can't lay. I get heartburn. I just want to sleep (I figure this might happen somewhere in March, but at least when she is here, I might feel like I am getting up with purpose.) I walk to the mailbox and I get so hot that I have to sit on the couch with an iced washcloth on my face just to stop feeling like I am suffocating from the heat. I am absolutely dreading returning to school next week. I am just not a good pregnant person. I'm sure this is positively shocking to anyone who knows me, my 'neediness' and my tolerance for uncomfortability. Ah well, it will be over with soon (in the grand scheme of life.)

In other news...Alicia started school yesterday. :( I miss her being home. I guess it will be good when I go back to school because at least I will have things to occupy my time instead of just sitting on the couch thinking about all the things I should be doing.

My youngest sister, Sally, arrived Friday after her softball tournament in Kentucky and will be staying with us until tomorrow. She has been initiated in the fun grown-up life of errands and not much else. We did go to the movies once. I think she thought it was rather in the ordinary whereas it was a pretty big outing for me and Alicia.

Other than that, we are just trying to solidify baby stuff. This will be much easier after our final (woo-hoo) shower on the 16th. Then we can buy the things we don't have (hopefully with giftcards) and actually be ready for the arrival of this little one. We do have to finish up adoption paperwork and get a pediatrician in order (slackers on this one....) Nothing is really new on the daycare front. We are on one (sort of 2) waiting lists and are feeling out the possibility of sharing a caregiver with friends. We will see. It will all work out - right?

Okay, that's it. Nothing's really new.

Friday Fill-ins

1. If I could travel back in time, I'd go to college again.  It really was the best time of my life, not that I don't love my life now, but I think it really blended the best of adulthood and childhood.  Ah, to be responsible for no one but myself!  (And to be skinny even though I am eating Denny's cheese fries 4 nights a week!)

2. Give me an early (not TOO early) delivery or give me a really easy job in the fall.  I'm still not sure how this whole "team teaching" thing is going to play out and I just don't want to be doing marching band of any kind at this point and I'm not sure that's going to happen.  Additionally, my doctor (as of now) will only fill out the paperwork for my FMLA to start on my actual due date, so I am stuck going to work until then (or the baby gets here....whichever comes first.)

3.  I am listening to the sounds of that really bad show "Charmed."  TNT does re-runs in the morning and Alicia really likes it.  It's like super low budget Buffy.  

4.  Somewhere, someone is thinking "I'm hungry!" Oh, wait, maybe that's just me.  We have zero food in our house and have been too lazy yet this morning to go do something about it.

5.  I'll always be P's mom.  (I didn't entirely steal this from you, Amy.)  Ever since we got pregnant it's just been kind of weird for me to think that for the rest of my life, I'm going to be someone's mom and no matter what else changes, that is going to be the same.  My identity is changing (or will rapidly change in a few weeks, since I don't feel very mommy-like yet) and it's just strange if I think too hard about it.

6.  My idea of a good time includes not thinking about stressful job stuff in anyway, relaxing with Alicia (and/or friends) and just in general removing myself from the yukky parts of my life.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to spending (yet more) time with my family, tomorrow my plans include possibly a trip to the Babies R Us, but really not much of anything if I have my way , and Sunday, I want to just hang out on the last day of our summer together. :(

Continued discussion....

I suppose this should just be viewed as my internal conflict written down.... 

My mom didn't work until a few years ago.  Sally was at least in late middle school before she started working and even then, she was working "part-timeish" so that she could get to all of Sally's stuff.  I really appreciated her staying home and being able to volunteer in my classroom at school and things like that.  I wanted to be able to offer that to my kids.  However, I see her struggling now with working.  She never really finds a job that she likes and I think she is going to have a horrible time in a couple years when Sally goes to college.  Part of this is just my mom, but I think a great deal of it is that she spent 25 years at home raising kids and now really doesn't know what to do with herself.  I worry about that.

Getting pregnant is a very expensive process for us.  We burned through about half of our savings getting pregnant with P.  I want another baby.  If I am not working, it's going to be really hard to save up the amount of money it will take to have another baby.  Other financial concerns include the fact that if I am not working, I will have to self-insure since I can't be included on Alicia's insurance.  (Also making more challenging to have another baby!)

I agree with Carrie in thinking that babies are only little once - I could return to teaching after the kid(s) go to school.  But, doing that isn't always as easy as it seems.  And - how are we going to have other kids if we don't have a dual income?

On the other hand....

I truly believe that people should raise their own children.  What kind of awful parent am I if I just ship my infant off for someone else to deal with during the day?  I read the info on the websites about all the teachers playing with the babies and all the wonderful one on one time that is spent with them and I literally start crying because I don't want to pay someone to play with my baby.  I want to play with my baby!  I want to be there when she rolls and crawls and walks and all of those things.

Although I, theoretically, will be in a different position, I will still be in the same school district and I have not had super positive experiences there.  I HATE my current position, which made the decision to stay home and deal with everything else much easier.  Now that the position is different (and quite ambiguous at that) I may be making it rosier than it is.  I could hate it just as much.  Then, I would be paying someone to play with and raise my baby while I went to a job that I hated.  That's certainly not right.

I suppose I don't have to make a decision right now.  Who knows how I will actually feel about everything once P is here.  It's just on my mind right now.